B.J. Novak, star of The Office and author of One More Thing and The Book With No Pictures, has the sassiest teenage sister in the world. She's into HBO Go and calling people out. She's also fictional.
1. When she was not here for Team Snapchat's shit.
I better not hear a goddamn word from Team Snapchat on New Year's Eve
2. Or the "rats" in her drama club:
no time for these drama club rats
3. When she dragged us:
@BuzzFeed you lost me at "have to visit"
4. When she was goal oriented, at B.J's expense.
Career Goals: 1. Become youngest contributor @girlcode 2. Become Mindy Project staff writer, kill off brother's character in 1st script
5. When she was goal-oriented at the expense of the people who would mistakenly assume she was stupid.
I want to be so hot that people assume I'm stupid
6. When she created the perfect literary mashup.
#baesic
7. When she really wished Mindy Kaling had a Hawaii food Tumblr.
“@mindykaling: Oh is this not my Hawaii food tumblr” YOU HAVE A HAWAII FOOD TUMBLR???
8. When she knew the value of a truly great tagged photo.
If there were a picture of me robbing a bank but I looked 💯 I'd probably just post it
9. When she declared cinema dead.
Sorry but every movie looks stupid
10. When she felt the need to verify her very existence.
What if I just get a blue checkmark tattooed on my face
11. When she dropped this truth bomb.
The difference between real life and the way life looks on Instagram = the difference between winter and the way winter looks on Instagram
12. When she had an interesting take on the Taylor Swift vs Spotify situation.
I always root for the underdog against the big scary corporation, so I'm Team Spotify on this one
13. When she was feeling ~vintage~
I want a huge phone like the one in the apartment on Friends
14. When she came up with a better idea than Thanksgiving.
As nice as Thanksgiving is, I would really enjoy a holiday based around complaining
15. When she was like "NOPE" to Nirvana.
The only thing I'm sure I do not smell like is teen spirit
16. When she was forced to clarify.
yes that was sarcastic
17. When she had this scary thought.
Imagine how much more successful McDonald's would be if their mascot wasn't a creepy AF clown
18. When she was as confused as anyone else following Rihanna's Instagram.
What the hell is going on at Rihanna's Thanksgiving
19. When she punk'd her mother.
Great prank: leave "16 and pregnant apply casting" on your mom's Google search history
20. When she offered this timeless advice.
If you don't want me to subtweet you, live a better version of your life
21. When she was generous.
Does anyone want the remaining hours of my day? I'm done
22. When she was frustrated with a nursery rhyme.
"It's raining" got it "it's pouring" got it I'll get my umbrella "the old man is snoring" that's irrelevant
23. When she asked this important question.
who wore it stupider?
24. When she tweeted this piece of wisdom.
I think "let's get drunk on the minibar" is the exact opposite of "let's bring our own candy to the theater"
25. When she knew who held all the power in a break-up.
The smartest thing you can do if you text your ex is say nice things about your ex's friends bc they will be making all key decisions here
26. When she was concerned for her friend.
How do you tell a friend she's going off brand?
27. When she knew that Valencia reigned supreme over all other Instagram filters.
If the government mandated Valencia-filtered contact lenses to every man woman and child I wouldn't necessarily be 100% opposed
28. When she knew she was being lied to.
"I bet Cara Delevigne did her homework" ACTUALLY MOM I BET SHE DIDN'T
29. And when she kept it real, despite her ever-growing fame.
I never said I was a role model