15 Poop + Sex Horror Stories That'll Make You Gag But Also Laugh
"I was hooking up with a guy and he accidentally sharted in my mouth."
1. This infected penis:
"This guy and I were friends with benefits, and one day we were getting a little freaky. We decided to try anal, and I got poop on his dick. That's not even the worst part. For months, he had an infection in his penis because of it. I still feel awful, and it's been years."
2. This Hershey's kiss:
"I was going down on my boyfriend in my dorm room. His muscles were all tense, and he was breathing really hard. He said he wasn't going to finish because he had too much to drink, so we both got dressed. I noticed these weird brown streaks on my sheets. He pretended to be confused and left immediately. That's when I realized why he was acting so weird, because he was trying to hold in his shit while I had his dick in my mouth. The next day, he had the nerve to lie and say he had some chocolate in his back pocket and it must have melted on my bed."
3. This chocolate-covered ass:
"So I love to give rim jobs when I'm having sex. Unfortunately, one time ruined my love of ass for a few years. I was hooking up with a guy, and while I was fucking him I decided to go down and eat a little. As I started to rim him, I tasted something strange and said 'your lube tastes weird.' He pulled his ass away, took a whiff, and said, 'I don't think that's lube.' I literally licked his shit-covered asshole."
4. This stuck butt plug:
"My partner and I were using a little butt plug. This particular plug didn't have a base, so naturally it got stuck up my butt. I didn't want to tell the guy what happened, so I decided my best bet was to go to the bathroom and try to coax it out. Bad idea. I was crouched down, fingers in my butt, digging for the plug, when I accidentally shit in my hand."
5. This shopper's break:
"When my girlfriend and I first started dating, we got very adventurous. One day the mood struck us while we were at the mall, so we went into a store's bathroom. She convinced me to stand on the toilet with my pants around my ankles so she could eat me out. I was game, except I must have eaten something that didn't sit well. My stomach did a cartwheel, I yelled 'I can't do this,' and I fell straight down onto the toilet and had an explosive shat right in front of her."
6. This hallway horror:
"My ex and I wanted to try anal, so we bought a douche to, um, clear out my backside. Anyway, he set me up in my living room and gave me loads of magazines to keep myself occupied, when I suddenly needed to poop. I got up to go to the bathroom, but my body couldn't wait. I literally shit all over the hallway in front my then-boyfriend. Awkward."
7. This threesome gone wrong:
"It was my 38th birthday. My friend, Denise, and I flirted with a bartender and took him home. We all got undressed at Denise's apartment. Suddenly, the guy said he really liked getting eaten out. Now, Denise wasn’t having it, but I’d done it before (and in case I didn’t mention it, this guy was 100% grade-A beef). The guy was on his back, and Denise was sitting on his face, so I pushed his knees toward his chest and worked from his dick, to his balls, to his taint, to his backdoor. I was going to town, jerking him off all the while, and he was into it until... he SHARTED in my mouth. I sterilized my mouth with the rest of the bottle of vodka and left immediately. I haven’t seen either of them since."
8. This blacklight attack:
"Everything was fine during the actual sex, but afterwards he decided to finger my butt. I felt something wet on my thigh when he got up to pee and thought 'oh, shit!' And it was! I I turned on the lights, and there was shit everywhere! It was on me, him, the bed, even the bedroom door somehow. Needless to say, we stopped the ass play for a few months."
9. This gooey finish:
"My boyfriend and I were feeling frisky after a bit of drinking. We had anal sex the night before, so my bum was already sore enough. My boyfriend decided to jack-rabbit into my swollen butt. Luckily the alcohol numbed things a little downstairs and I was able to relax. After he finished, he pulled out, and on the tip of his junk was a squished mound of poo. I didn't know what to do, so I offered to clean his dick with a tissue and hand sanitizer."
10. This shitty rumor:
"In college my girlfriend and I decided to try some butt stuff. The whole experience was great, except when we finished and a small amount of poop wound up on my junk. We easily cleaned up and things were fine, but she told her friends out of context that she pooped on me. Her friends took that as me having a poop fetish. I didn't discover this until two years later, so I had to explain to them that I do not in fact enjoy being pooped on."
11. This icing on the chocolate cake:
"I was at a friend's party and ate a lot of food (and I shit really badly when I eat a lot). Later that night, my boyfriend and I got home and said he wanted to try anal for the first time. I said OK. We were in the middle of it, when all of a sudden my stomach started to bubble. I tried to tell my boyfriend, but it was too late. I was on top and literally had diarrhea all over him."
12. This wreck it and ralph:
"One of my friends decided to try anal with her boyfriend... but her dad walked in while they were having sex. Her boyfriend pulled out super fast, which caused her to shit all over his dick/stomach/chest. Apparently the smell was so awful that he then started to throw up. Poor dad saw the whole damn thing."
13. This anal canal:
"I met a bi guy online and invited him over. We had great sex, and then he pulled out a toy for me to use on him. I didn't want to be the girl who said no, so I let him go to the bathroom to prep. We tried using the toy, but it wouldn't go in. We finally made it work, and he got really into it. As I was working it in and out of his ass, little brown drops started coming out. I pulled the toy out, and then the drops came out faster and BIGGER. It was... an experience. I no longer go near any man's asshole, no matter how much they ask me to."
14. This dirty booty call:
"I was house-sitting for my sister and had a guy over one night. Things got hot, and then he left quickly, which seemed weird. I later noticed that the futon was in a different position than it originally was (thinking 'hell yeah, we rocked this thing a couple of feet,' but nope). When I went to the bathroom to clean up after sex, he had flipped the entire full-size futon over. There was a massive shit streak across the bare, cream-colored futon. Needless to say, I was completely turned off by the fact that this dude couldn't wipe properly and never used him as a booty call again."
15. And this Grindr kerfuffle:
"I invited a guy from Grindr over. I found out he liked to be tied up, so, being the people-pleasing, awkward turtle I am, I obliged. I was on top and felt a pain in my stomach. I figured I just needed to change positions, so I got off. When I did, I felt something warm, and then I smelled it: I got diarrhea all over his crotch. There was an awkward silence, and then I ran to the bathroom, but I FORGOT HE WAS STILL TIED UP. It took 10 minutes to get myself together until I could untie him. We haven’t spoken since, except for the time he asked me to Venmo him $60 to pay for his underwear that I pooped on."