1. All your friends are incredibly hot.
2. Except for "the ugly one", who's still pretty hot by conventional standards.
3. You have a smart friend who wears glasses.
4. You know one person who is overweight, and they are a cop.
5. When one of your friends moves to the suburbs you never speak of them again.
6. You constantly talk about how little sex you're having, even though you've hooked up with a different person every week.
7. You have woken up with your bra on after having sex.
8. When you wake up in the morning you sit bolt upright.
9. You rarely have to go to work.
10. So you spend most of your time sitting around drinking coffee.
11. You have only been to one bar in your entire life.
12. And there's always a table available.
13. Despite rarely going to work, you are able to afford a spacious apartment in the centre of town.
14. But your apartment only has three walls.
15. There is a staircase at the back of your apartment that leads to nowhere, and you've never questioned this.
16. You constantly feel the need to cover up brand names on food packaging. You don't know why.
17. You have never cleaned your apartment but it has never got messy.
18. Apart from pizza boxes, because you get pizza all the time despite never exercising.
19. The view out of your bedroom window never changes. The clouds never move.
20. You have a kooky neighbour, who may or may not be a criminal.
21. You're always going to weddings that are dramatically stopped at the last minute.
22. You have had your own wedding stopped at the last minute, but it wasn't really a huge deal.
23. Your life often falls apart as a result of a series of easily solvable misunderstandings.
24. Many of your relationships have failed because of something that could have been explained in a text.
25. Nobody ever lets you finish when you try and say "I can explain."
26. Sometimes before Christmas you feel a powerful urge to re-enact particularly funny things that happened to you during the year.
27. Your friend's pregnancies have lasted anything from a week to a year.
28. You are friends with some extremely famous celebrities, but you only get to see them once in your life for about half an hour.
29. You have a child who often lives with you, but then sometimes you forget about them for weeks at a time.
30. Your child is always coming out with wise statements that make all the adults in the room reflect on their terrible behaviour.
31. Your child ages at a confusing rate.
32. You suspect that your child might have been replaced with a more attractive child.
33. Occasionally a relative who you have never spoken to before will come to stay, and then you will never talk about them ever again.
34. Members of your close family are often replaced by similar looking people, and nobody ever mentions it.
35. When you tell a really funny joke, you can hear a slap bass riff faintly in the distance.
36. You hear the same song at the same time every day, and you don't know where it's coming from.
37. There is loud cheering when you kiss a new person for the first time.
38. And whooping noises when you have sex.
39. You are starting to suspect that there are people watching you.
40. You have a catchphrase that isn't funny, yet people laugh hysterically every time, but you don't know why.
41. The laughter follows you everywhere. It's there at the coffee shop. It's on the street when you get splashed by a taxi. It's in your bedroom. It's everywhere.
42. Oh god why won't the laughing stop?