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18 Reasons We Should Just Shut Down London In 2016

SHUT IT DOWN.

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1. Because coffee shops have got completely out of control.

Dalstonist / Via dalstonist.co.uk

2. And they can't even be bothered to be nice to their customers any more.

3. In fact, they're genuinely just telling them to fuck off now.

Sophie Gadd/BuzzFeed

4. People on the tube can't be nice to each other either.

Some actual shitlark decided to give these business cards out. Fire them into the sun.

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5. In fact, Londoners don't have a clue how to commute any more.

WTF ARE YOU DOING?
standard.co.uk / Via facebook.com

WTF ARE YOU DOING?

6. They've converted all the toilets into artisan gin bars.

7. And the shithole carparks have become cocktail bars.

Instagram: @fsommariva

8. Dalston people have totally ruined the holy name of box wine.

Dalstonist / Via dalstonist.co.uk
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9. And a bloody water-only bar opened.

It was for charity, at least.
metro.co.uk / Via Facebook: rnli

It was for charity, at least.

10. Then some terrible entrepreneurs bastardised the word pub to crowdfund Brew, a pub that serves only tea.

Someone actually donated £16,360 to it.
Brew

Someone actually donated £16,360 to it.

11. Because Londoners can't drink any more without it taking place in some sort of novelty pseudo Disneyland.

JUST HAVE A FUCKING PINT.
Via dalstonist.co.uk

JUST HAVE A FUCKING PINT.

12. Yes, Londoners have completely lost the plot with regards to what is considered a fun activity.

Going to a rave BEFORE WORK to drink smoothies. OK.
Via londonist.com

Going to a rave BEFORE WORK to drink smoothies. OK.

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13. And of course you can now go to a morning rave in the Cereal Killer Café...

14. Which is made even worse by the book featuring this list of "witty comebacks".

Get In The Sea / Via Facebook: getinthesea

15. An indoor ballpit for adults opened.

Pearlfisher / Via pearlfisher.com

TBF it did look fun.

16. But at least it didn't get cancelled like the "epic Slip & Slide".

Was it ever going to happen in the first place?
Facebook: events / Via metro.co.uk

Was it ever going to happen in the first place?

17. A gallery of selfies is set to open in Shoreditch.

SHUT IT DOWN BEFORE IT CAN LIVE.
Via dalstonist.co.uk

SHUT IT DOWN BEFORE IT CAN LIVE.

18. And a museum opened that was meant to be about East End women but ended up being about Jack the Ripper.

Nice one.
Glenn Copus/Evening Standard / Via standard.co.uk

Nice one.