18 Reasons We Should Just Shut Down London In 2016

SHUT IT DOWN.

Posted on December 08, 2015, 15:50 GMT

Sophie Gadd

BuzzFeed Staff, UK

1. Because coffee shops have got completely out of control.

2. And they can't even be bothered to be nice to their customers any more.

3. In fact, they're genuinely just telling them to fuck off now.

4. People on the tube can't be nice to each other either.

@kflorish — Some actual shitlark decided to give these business cards out. Fire them into the sun.

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5. In fact, Londoners don't have a clue how to commute any more.

WTF ARE YOU DOING?

6. They've converted all the toilets into artisan gin bars.

7. And the shithole carparks have become cocktail bars.

Instagram — Instagram: @fsommariva

8. Dalston people have totally ruined the holy name of box wine.

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9. And a bloody water-only bar opened.

It was for charity, at least.

10. Then some terrible entrepreneurs bastardised the word pub to crowdfund Brew, a pub that serves only tea.

Someone actually donated £16,360 to it.

11. Because Londoners can't drink any more without it taking place in some sort of novelty pseudo Disneyland.

JUST HAVE A FUCKING PINT.

12. Yes, Londoners have completely lost the plot with regards to what is considered a fun activity.

Going to a rave BEFORE WORK to drink smoothies. OK.

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13. And of course you can now go to a morning rave in the Cereal Killer Café...

14. Which is made even worse by the book featuring this list of "witty comebacks".

15. An indoor ballpit for adults opened.

TBF it did look fun.

16. But at least it didn't get cancelled like the "epic Slip & Slide".

Was it ever going to happen in the first place?

17. A gallery of selfies is set to open in Shoreditch.

SHUT IT DOWN BEFORE IT CAN LIVE.

18. And a museum opened that was meant to be about East End women but ended up being about Jack the Ripper.

Nice one.