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A Definitive Ranking Of The 20 Most Important "Real Housewives" Fights

Who gon' check me boo?

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Even if you don't watch any of the 1 trillion Real Housewives shows, you know that the fights are kind of insane. I decided to rank the 20 most important RH fights from "Crazy but eh" to "ABSOLUTELY PSYCHOTIC." Here are the rules.

Rule No. 1: No reunion fights

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Yes, they're the best part of the whole year. But reunions are carefully thought-out beasts. These women have seen their actions and have seen the reactions from the public, so whatever they say is crafted to help them repair their image in any way possible. Also, the entire list would be Teresa Giudice from Seasons 3 and 4 of RHONJ.

Rule No. 2: No hubbies

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Let's clarify that: No fights that are all about the hubbies. That means no epic "Pillow Talk" battle because really it was just random husbands getting into a fight with Brandon. The Giudices/ Gorgas are a different story since the fight involves the wives' numerous problems as well.

Rule No. 3: No drawn-out fights

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This list is for when the season-long disagreement finally blows up into a war of words. So while a whole season of Shannon vs. Heather is technically a fight, the only aspect up for competition is when they finally confront one another.

OK. That's it. Let's do this.

20. Ramona vs. Jill — "This is Morocco"

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The Locale: RHONY, Season 4, Episode 9, "A Riad Divided"

The Disagreement: Four seasons of passive aggressive shots toward each other finally came to a head while on vacation in Morocco. Jill and Ramona tried to get their frustrations out but just ended up causing a scene.

The Winner: Can't believe I'm saying this but... Ramona. Is Ramona a buggle-eyed nut job who maybe drinks too much wine and has an acid tongue? Yes. But she never pretended to be anything else. Jill, on the other hand, will try to ruin your life and then lie about it.

19. Danielle vs. Ashley — "Stay in the positive"

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The Locale: RHONJ, Season 2, Episode 10, "Country Clubbed"

The Disagreement: It was Danielle against the world. And one night at the brownstone, Jacqueline Laurita's teenage daughter ripped Danielle's weave out.

The Winner: Draw. Danielle is the worst but Ashley is the worst too.

18. Gina vs. Everyone — "Blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah, blah"

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The Locale: RHOM (Melbourne), Season 1, Episode 7

The Disagreement: After a season of the girls talking to each other about their mutual hatred of Gina, they decided to confront her on vacay.

The Winner: Gina. Everyone actually had valid reasons as to why they were upset with Gina. The problem is that they all looked like fools screaming and yelling at Gina over dinner. By keeping her cool, Gina actually seems like the normal one.

17. NeNe vs. Sheree — "Rich, bitch"

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The Locale: RHOA, Season 4, Episode 1, "Nothing Ventured, Nothing Gained"

The Disagreement: I mean, what did NeNe and Sheree not fight about?

The Winner: NeNe, only because she uttered that now infamous line, "I am very rich, bitch."

16. Amber vs. The Twins — "First responders"

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The Locale: RHONJ, Season 6, Episodes 4 and 5, "A Hairy Situation" and "One Flew Over the Chicken's Nest"

The Disagreement: Amber told Melissa that Nicole was the "other woman" at one point.

The Winner: Amber, only because she technically did not start the physical portion of the fight. Plus, any fight that takes place while the guests are dressed up as first responders is the most horribly ironic thing ever.

15. Lisa vs. Everyone — "Puerto Rico, my heart's devotion"

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The Locale: RHOBH, Season 4, Episode 17, "Lines in the Sand"

The Disagreement: A season of all the girls hating Lisa for mysterious things finally blew up in Puerto Rico.

The Winner: Lisa. The girls literally had nothing to be mad at her about. Kyle takes things too far and Brandi is... Brandi. The only person who had anything to resolve was Yolanda but she loses points for ganging up with the other girls.

14. Vicki vs. Gretchen — "Are you a mother?"

The Locale: RHOC, Season 7, Episodes 5 and 6, "He Said What?" and "The Party's Over"

The Disagreement: Obviously Vicki and Gretchen never liked each other but things got worse when Slade called Vicki "Miss Piggy" and Vicki decided to defend herself.

The Winner: Vicki. Though Gretchen did have a point with Brooks, Slade should have never spoken about another woman's looks negatively.

13. Aviva vs. Everyone — "My left foot"

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The Locale: RHONY, Season 6, Episode 20, "The Last Leg"

The Disagreement: None of the girls believed that Aviva was actually too sick to go to Montana.

The Winner: The viewers. Because watching a woman want to be a reality star so desperately that she'll take off her artificial leg and throw it is the best kind of TV.

12. Adrianna vs. Joanna — "Hit me baby one more time"

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The Locale: RHOM (Miami), Season 2, Episodes 7 and 8, "Bras and Brawls: Part 1" and "Bras and Brawls: Part 2"

The Disagreement: The fight was originally between Adrianna and Karent before Joanna stepped in. And then all of a sudden Joe Francis was mentioned and it was off to the races!

The Winner: Draw. It was pretty disgusting to see Adriana punch another woman in the face, but it wasn't really Joanna's fight in the first place. Plus, chasing Adriana down the hall probably didn't help.

11. Kim and Kyle vs. Brandi — "Meth in the bathroom"

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The Locale: RHOBH, Season 2, Episodes 6 and 7, "Let the Games Begin" and "Game Night Gone Wild!"

The Disagreement: Kim and Kyle decided to act like 3 year olds and steal Brandi's crutch. The dumb prank turned into a war of words when Brandi accused Kim of doing crystal meth in the bathroom and being a drug addict (well, she was kind of right).

The Winner: The Richards. That was a dumb prank but honestly making fun of someone for substance abuse issues is never kosher.

10. Sheree vs. Anthony — "Who gon' check me boo?"

The Locale: RHOA, Season 2, Episode 1, "New Attitude, Same ATL"

The Disagreement: Sheree thought that Anthony the party planner wasn't holding up his end of the bargain. And by bargain, I mean helicopters.

The Winner: Draw. They were both so vicious and so delusional that it was impossible to choose just one winner.

9. The Gorgas vs. The Giudices — "Lake George"

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The Locale: RHONJ, Season 5, Episode 8, "Scum One, Scum All"

The Disagreement: WHERE DO YOU EVEN START WITH THE GORGAS AND GIUDICES?

The Winner: Joe Gorga. Only because the fight showed the world that he used weird hair dye that comes off when you touch it and it convinced him to shave his head.

8. Kim vs. Kyle — "Goddamn house"

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The Locale: RHOBH, Season 1, Episode 13, "Unforgivable"

The Disagreement: It was just weird. In the last few minutes of the season, Kim and Kyle got into a huge fight. For most, it was confusing, with just Kim shouting things and Kyle calling her an alcoholic.

The Winner: Martin. There was a time when Lisa tried to hook him up with Kim and he really dodged a bullet there.

7. NeNe vs. Claudia — "Your clit has left your body"

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The Locale: RHOA, Season 7, Episode 10, "Puerto Read-co!"

The Disagreement: WHO THE FUCK KNOWS?

The Winner: Claudia. Claudia was just trying to mediate a fight between Demetria and Phaedra before NeNe went for it. NeNe is the perfect example of the Jill Zarin syndrome — when the viewer's favorite stays on the show so long that they become the villain.*

*We'll have to wait until next week to see the conclusion of this battle.

6. Aviva vs. Carole — "#Bookgate"

The Locale: RHONY, Season 6, Episode 2, "Give Up the Ghostwriter"

The Disagreement: Aviva thinks Carole dissed her memoir so she starts telling everyone that Carole had her book ghostwritten.

The Winner: Carole. Carole is literally paid to write. She's been writing for years. She writes so much that her job is writer first, reality star second.

5. Marlo vs. Sheree — "Mayweather vs. Pacquiao"

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The Locale: RHOA, Season 4, Episode 12, "South Africa: Just Like Home"

The Disagreement: While vacationing in South Africa, Sheree decides to invite everyone but Marlo and NeNe to dinner. Marlo does not take it well.

The Winner: Draw. What Sheree did was ridiculous but Marlo doesn't exactly make her case well.

4. Allison DuBois and Camille Grammer vs. Kyle Richards, Faye Resnick, and the World — "The dinner party from hell"

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The Locale: RHOBH, Season 1, Episode 9, "The Dinner Party From Hell"

The Disagreement: The season revolved around a fight that took place off-camera. Camille claimed Kyle asked her why cameras were filming her vacation if her husband Kelsey wasn't there. Kyle denied this. Camille invites everyone over for dinner and her crazy friend Allison is revealed to be a monster.

The Winner: Kyle. Allison might actually be a cartoon villain.

3. Aviva vs. Sonja and Ramona — "You can't handle the truth!"

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The Locale: RHONY, Season 5, Episode 14, "Slutty Island"

The Disagreement: Aviva is terrified of flying. Aviva gets her husband Reid to take her to St. Barts to meet the ladies. Ramona and Sonja don't like that Reid is infringing upon the girls' trip. Aviva goes wack-a-doo.

The Winner: Ramonja. Aviva did a good job of digging her own grave when she called them "white trash."

2. Bethenny Frankel vs. Kelly Killoren Bensimon — "Scary island"

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The Locale: RHONY, Season 3, Episode 12, "Sun, Sand and Psychosis"

The Disagreement: Kelly and Bethenny have never gotten along. So why did they think vacationing together would be a good idea? Kelly ends up insulting Bethanny's profession, calling everyone sluts, and frankly having a mental breakdown for the ages.

The Winner: Everyone but Kelly. She really had a moment there.

1. Teresa vs. The Table (but actually Danielle) — "Prostitution whore"

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The Locale: RHONJ, Season 1, Episode 6, "Finale"

The Disagreement: Danielle was a bit more... risqué than the other ladies. Though she was friends with Dina, Jacqueline, and Teresa at one point, eventually she became the outcast of the group. By the end of the season, a book was discovered, one that detailed some salacious details of Danielle's past. But who showed it to everyone?

The Winner: The viewers. "ENGAGED 19 FUCKING TIMES" are words that should be engraved on everyone's tombstone.

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