What It’s Like To Be Irish On St. Patrick’s Day

Happy St. Patty’s Day, top o’ the marnin’, faith and begorrah, and quit tryin’ ta steal me lucky charms! Commence eye roll in 3, 2…

1. You roll your eyes every time you see someone celebrating St. Patricia’s Day.

via via via via via via

Patty = Patricia, Paddy = Patrick. It’s not hard.

2. You know that this is not a shamrock.

Shamrocks and clovers are similar, but clovers are the ones that can grow four leaves, not shamrocks.

(Though it’s still a cute, creative wreath!)

3. In the weeks prior to St. Patrick’s Day, you can’t get away from these stands in nearly every store:

Sean Curry

To help you better celebrate the Feast of St. Patrick the way your Catholic forbears did.

4. And try though you may, you don’t remember the part in the St. Patrick legend where he cast the snakes out of Ireland wearing a feather boa and sparkly green top hat:

Sean Curry

That sounds more like your coworker, Patrick, who goes to raves every weekend and is always asking the whereabouts of Molly.

5. You long ago realized your town’s St. Patrick’s Day Parade had some pretty loose rules:

Sebastian Dooris / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: sebastiandooris

“st patrick’s day festival 2007”

Miroslav Čuljat / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: miroslavculjat

“St. Patrick’s Day Parade 2009, Dublin, Ireland”

6. Every time you see something like this, a small part of you dies.


7. With any luck, you’ll get through a year without being constantly reminded of how lucky you’re supposed to be.

Sean Curry

“St. Patrick’s Day is a lucky day for the Irish” …unlike every other day of the year?


I was just going to go have dinner with my family and play some folk music, but now that YOU’RE celebrating St. Patrick’s Day, I’ll go to one of your restaurants instead! Let’s see, how are you celebrating?

9. You don’t know a single person that prefers green Bud Light to Guinness.


10. You’re really not sure where to start with the “green drink = St. Patrick’s Day drink” trend:

It’s probably very delicious. But for the love of god, what part of “curaçao, orange juice, and ginger ale” is Irish?!

Ah, Jagermeister, a traditional Irish liqueur.

11. And you’re frankly over the “green breakfast”:

Creative Commons via Flickr

via via via

Green eggs on Dr. Seuss’s birthday: great!
Green eggs on St. Patrick’s Day: WHY

12. Especially when a delicious, ACTUAL Irish breakfast is so easy to make:

Blood pudding sounds terrifying, but try it once. Get the recipe here.

13. You go out to a bar wanting to have a little tongue-in-cheek Irish fun, and see one of the thousands of variations of these groups of people:

Look at that, a traditional giant inflatable Irish penis. With a maniacally grinning face on it.

14. You like everyone wanting to experience your heritage, but sometimes…

“lol irish = drunk or whatever. c’mon, let’s make out baby.”

…it gets a little much.

“Oh heavens no, not the rest of the year! I’m only a drunken caricature today!”

15. You’re growing tired of people using the day devoted to your ancestors’ culture as an excuse to get absolutely hammered.


16. March 17th isn’t “Doesn’t Count As Alcoholism” Day.

17. You enjoy all the costumes and fun people have during the day, like “Irish Viking”:

uggboy / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: uggboy

…but don’t know who you need to start hitting when you see “Irish Butts”.

18. Really, you love your heritage, but you’re kind of starting to hate your holiday.

19. But after a few of these…

Scott Thompson / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: scottthompson

20. …a couple shots of these…

21. …and a few bites of Irish soda bread, you start to forget all about “luck” and St. Patricia.

Dov Harrington / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: idovermani

22. Then you hear a group of these guys,

Peter Dutton / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: joeshlabotnik

23. and see a troupe of stepdancers TEAR IT UP…

Steven Saus / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: uriel1998

24. …and you stop caring how people celebrate this silly, ridiculous, fun holiday.

National Leprechaun Museum / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: leprechaunmuseum

25. And just raise a pint with whoever’s next to you.

Mr. Weeeee / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: mr_weeeee


Michael Dorausch / Creative Commons / Via Flickr: chiropractic

Who am I kidding? See you at the parade Saturday.

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