What It's Like To Be Irish On St. Patrick's Day

Happy St. Patty's Day, top o' the marnin', faith and begorrah, and quit tryin' ta steal me lucky charms! Commence eye roll in 3, 2...

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3. In the weeks prior to St. Patrick's Day, you can't get away from these stands in nearly every store:

Sean Curry

To help you better celebrate the Feast of St. Patrick the way your Catholic forbears did.

4. And try though you may, you don't remember the part in the St. Patrick legend where he cast the snakes out of Ireland wearing a feather boa and sparkly green top hat:

Sean Curry

That sounds more like your coworker, Patrick, who goes to raves every weekend and is always asking the whereabouts of Molly.


I was just going to go have dinner with my family and play some folk music, but now that YOU'RE celebrating St. Patrick's Day, I'll go to one of your restaurants instead! Let's see, how are you celebrating?

10. You're really not sure where to start with the "green drink = St. Patrick's Day drink" trend:

It's probably very delicious. But for the love of god, what part of "curaçao, orange juice, and ginger ale" is Irish?!

15. You're growing tired of people using the day devoted to your ancestors' culture as an excuse to get absolutely hammered.