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Put These Songs On At Your Holiday Party If You Want Everyone To Murder You

GTFO out of the party with this music.

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11. "Dominick The Donkey" by Lou Monte

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10. "Christmas Conga" by Cyndi Lauper

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There is a reason you haven't heard of this song. Bonga bonga bong? WTF is a "bonga"?

9. "I Saw Mommy Kissing Santa Claus" by Jimmy Boyd

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Yes I get it, the kid sees mom kissing his dad dressed up like Santa Claus. But WHY is he dressed like Santa? He doesn't need a costume to put out presents while the kids are asleep. And if he put the suit on because he was expecting the kids to peek, then DON'T HAVE WEIRD TICKLE SEX IN THE MIDDLE OF THE NIGHT! Seriously I expect that kid had to spend years in therapy.

8. "8 Days Of Christmas" by Destiny's Child

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Hanukkah is 8 days. This is just wrong.

7. "Santa Baby" by Eartha Kitt

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If you don't know Eartha Kitt, this is who Selena Gomez is trying to do an impression of in "Good For You." In this song, Kitt crones about how she wants all of this expensive shit. Santa essentially is a sugar daddy. WHAT ABOUT MRS. CLAUS???

6. "Last Christmas" by Wham!

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"But you still catch my eye /Tell me, baby/Do you recognize me?"

DUDE GET OVER IT! It's been a year. Seriously. MOVE ON.

5. "I Want a Hippopotamus For Christmas" by Gayla Peevey

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Sure, little girl, you'll get an 8,000 lb tub of lard for Christmas. Come on, she's NOT gonna get a hippo. I bet her parents just give her a paper saying she "adopted a hippo," and then she cries in her room.

4. "Grandma Got Run Over By A Reindeer" by Elmo & Patsy

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They obviously murdered grandma.

3. "It's Cold Outside" by Ricardo Montalbán and Esther Williams

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"Hey, what's in this drink?"


2. "Christmas Shoes" by NewSong

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It was quite a toss up for the #1 slot, and this one just narrowly missed out for worst Christmas song. In "Christmas Shoes," God gives a poor boy's mom cancer just so the narrator can figure out what Christmas is all about. At the end a voice of child angels sing.

1. "Do They Know Its Christmas" by Band Aid

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Like Christmas Shoes, this song is awfully presumptuous. "Do they (West Africans) know it's Christmastime at all?" is the question the song poses over and over again. Newsflash: West Africa is 70% Muslim. THEY KNOW AND THEY DON'T CARE!

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