Dax Shepard Shared That He Has Relapsed After 16 Years Of Sobriety
"An episode I hoped I'd never have to record."
You know Dax Shepard. He's an actor, comedian, and podcast host — and he's married to Kristen Bell.
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
During an episode of his podcast, Armchair Expert, the 45-year-old actor shared that he had recently relapsed and had been taking opioids.
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
Before the episode went live, Dax wrote on Instagram, "An episode I hoped I'd never have to record, but one I felt I owed to all the beautiful Armcheries who have been on this ride with me for the last couple years."
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
Dax began the podcast by opening up about the first time he encountered an issue with opioids.
“So eight years into sobriety [from alcohol and cocaine], I have not done a single shady thing. There was nothing gray,” Dax said during the episode. But in 2012, Dax was in a motorcycle accident and his father had been diagnosed with cancer.
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
“I immediately called my sponsor and I said, ‘I’m in a ton of pain [from the accident] and I got to work all day, and we have friends that have Vicodin.’ And he said, ‘Okay, you can take a couple Vicodin to get through the day at work, but you have to go to the doctor, and you have to get a prescription, and you have to have Kristen dole out the prescription.’”
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
But the problem arose when Dax was in charge of giving his father his pain medicine. "So I give him a bunch of Percocet and then I go, 'I have a prescription for this, and I was in a motorcycle accident, and I’m gonna take some too,'” he said.
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
So he called Kristen:
She’s like, “You clearly need to call someone in AA, but I would say you’re fucked up from this accident. You got high with your dad — keep it moving. You don’t need to redefine it. You didn’t lose eight years,” which was so comforting.
That was eight years ago.
This year, Dax got hurt again — he broke his hand in an ATV accident. "After I ride sometimes on the track, I feel I'm entitled to take two Vicodin at the end of the day because I am in pain."
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
This time, Dax said, he is buying the pills. "For the last eight weeks, maybe, I don't really know, I'm on them all day. I'm allowed to be on them at some dosage because I have a prescription," he said. "And then I'm also augmenting that. And then all the prescriptions run out, and I'm now just taking 30 mil Oxys that I've bought whenever I decide I can do [it]."
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
He continued, "I'm lying to other people, and I know I have to quit. But my tolerance is going up so quickly that I'm now in a situation where I'm taking, you know, eight 30s a day."
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
Dax added, "I know that's an amount that's going to result in a pretty bad withdrawal. And I start getting really scared, and I'm starting to feel really lonely. And I just have this enormous secret."
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
He said, “Day one, when I’m supposed to step down, I’m like, 'I wasn’t anticipating that this was already going to feel bad after just one less,' so I don’t step down the first day, and then I don’t step down the second day. And now I’m really panicking.”
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
He added, "I now start getting pretty visibly detoxy and withdrawally. And I lie and start saying, 'I'm having an arthritis flare-up.'"
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
Dax's biggest fear, though, was relapsing with alcohol and cocaine. "I haven't drank a beer in 16 years, and I haven't snorted a line in 16 years. And if I have one day, then I might as well fucking have what I really want and then start over. And my fear of that is if I do that, it may take me three years to get that back in the cage and I may die."
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
Eventually, Dax told Kristen, his cohost and his best friend, about his relapse. He went to a meeting — which he called the "most incredible 90 minutes" — and now said he feels humble and hopeful.
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
And it looks like Dax is at peace with starting over. Nearing the end of the podcast, he said, "Today I have seven days."
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com
I've never heard a celebrity be so candid about their experience with addiction. I can only imagine the impact this will have for anyone struggling. Thank you a million for sharing, Dax.
@daxshepard / Via instagram.com