49 Bizarre But Also Very Real Fears Every Woman Can Relate To
Doing a wee outside and getting scared ants will go up your vag.
1. Going to get a bikini wax while on your period and them accidentally catching your tampon string on the wax strip and yanking it out.
2. Watching Netflix while in the bath but being scared that some pervy man has hacked into your webcam and can see you.
3. Someone going to pick something off your chin and fearing that it may just be a hair they're about to pull out.
4. Washing your hands next to someone in the bathroom but fearing that you're not washing them well enough so overwashing them just to make a point to the complete stranger that you know how to wash your hands.
5. Wearing a max-absorbent pad during your heavy flow and worrying that people can hear the sound of your pad swishing.
6. Standing up on your period after sitting down for a long time and worrying that your uterus has exploded all over your seat.
7. Having layers of gross dead skin on your feet yet being worried about the stubble on your legs for your pedicurist.
8. Not locking the door properly in a public toilet and being walked in on by your crush, who happened to be in the same restaurant, while you're taking a shit.
9. Getting your eyebrows waxed by someone who slips a little while she's working on you and accidentally takes the whole eyebrow off.
10. That you've been doing sex wrong your whole life but everyone's been too polite to tell you.
11. Getting your clothes trapped in closing train doors and somehow having them all ripped off in front of your fellow commuters.
12. Going to the toilet on a train or an airplane and the turbulence knocking you against the door, unlocking it, and making you fall out in front of everyone with your ass hanging out.
13. Turning down the sound on your phone while listening to Vengaboys on the train for fear someone can hear it.
14. Listening to a proper CHOON on your walk to the station and fearing that your "imagination dancing" is making you walk funny.
15. Going into a toilet that smells like shit, going for just a wee, leaving the toilet right as someone else goes to use the same toilet and fearing they think YOU did the stinky shit.
16. Going to the toilet, doing a stinky shit, then feeling like people can smell it on you afterwards.
17. Going to yoga or any kind of exercise that involves people getting close to you and fearing they can smell your vag.
18. Wearing bright lipstick on the crowded train and worrying that you might accidentally lunge forward, hit a guy wearing a white shirt, leave an imprint of your lips on his back, with him not noticing and then his wife accusing him of cheating and ruining their marriage.
19. Going into a bathroom with a shower curtain that's been pulled across and having to yank it open in case someone is hiding there with an axe.
20. Or showering but then hearing a weird noise and fearing that any second someone is going to come in and murder you just like in all of the movies.
21. Noticing your own period smell and wondering if other people can smell it too. Then walking around all day like doo doo doo, doo doo doo, everyone can smell my menses, doo doo doo.
22. Someday finding out that you actually have terrible breath, so stinky that people talk behind your back about what a shame it is that you're such a nice person with such stinky breath, but you never realised because your partners have been too polite to mention it.
23. Leaving the house and not realising until you're under different lighting at the office hours later that your shirt is completely see-through.
24. Falling asleep with your phone in your bed and accidentally calling your ex and them just hearing you snoring and thinking you called them in the dead of night to mouth-breathe down the line to them.
25. Just being caught by a large gust of wind and your bum being bared to the world.
26. Delivering oral pleasure and suddenly being hit by your gag reflexing and just vomiting everywhere.
27. Forgetting to take out an old tampon before putting in a new one, and then forgetting AGAIN and then having THREE tampons, then doing it again and again until you are STUFFED with tampons.
28. Taking a ~sexy photo~ and accidentally emailing it to all of your professional contacts, just for no reason whatsoever other than a temporary mind fart.
29. Taking ~sexy~ photos and not realising you've changed some setting on your phone to automatically upload every photo you take directly to Facebook.
30. Swimming in a pond or a lake or a river somewhere and getting some kind of vagina parasite that no one's ever even heard of just swim right up your vagina and live there.
31. Shaving your legs and somehow missing out a huge chunk of hair in a spot you can't see, so you just have a random section of long, flowing hairs on the backs of your legs without even realising it.
32. Opening your mouth to speak on a date and just a massive burp coming out instead.
33. Leaving the house and forgetting to unplug the hair dryer, and it burning your whole flat down.
34. Using your phone while on the toilet and fearing that when you go to wipe, you might accidentally press the wrong button and FaceTime your boss your vagina.
35. Trying on an awkward outfit in the changing room and getting stuck in it so bad that no one can hear your muffled screams so you just have to stay like that forever.
36. Falling into the toilet in the middle of the night because someone left the toilet seat up, and getting stuck there as your vagina slowly fills with poo water.
37. Slipping while cutting your toenails and taking a whole toe off.
38. Doing a wee outside and getting scared ants will go up your fanny.
39. Doing a wee in the sea and getting scared a fish will swim up your fanny.
40. Swimming in the sea and suddenly getting your period and attracting a whole pack of ravenous sharks.
41. Doing a poo when there's an earthquake and you fall off the toilet and hurt yourself and have to call for help with your bum out, covered in poo.
42. A friendly dog coming up to you and sniffing your crotch repeatedly and fearing that everyone thinks you have a smelly vagina.
43. Bitching with a friend about someone you know but then having to check your phone in case somehow you have accidentally phoned them and they can hear everything you say.
44. Auditioning for a singing show and thinking you're really good and getting through to the live auditions because you're actually so bad the producers think it'll be hilarious.
45. Listening to music while you'll on the train and suddenly not knowing if you've been singing along without realising it.
46. Cleaning out your belly button and accidentally poking through to your stomach.
47. Finding out in 20 years' time that the moisturiser you use every single day is HIGHLY TOXIC AND KILLING YOU SLOWLY.
48. Being so relaxed while someone is going down on you and accidentally letting out a fart.
49. Or orgasming so hard that you shart.