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23 Lies You Tell Yourself To Feel Like A Grown-Up

"Definitely starting my diet tomorrow."

1. "I'm going to wake up early and get a head start on my day."

2. "I'm definitely going to the gym after work."

3. "Just a couple of drinks. I need an early night tonight."

4. "OK, definitely starting my diet tomorrow."

What You Mean: Yes, my diet of Cheeto dust and quadruple-stuffed Oreos.

5. "I'm going to start writing down all my expenses and spending less money."

6. "I'm gonna stay home and catch up on sleep this weekend."

7. "I'm going to read more important books."

8. "Of course I'm TOTALLY over him!"

What You Mean: If you were to wander into my bedroom at 4 a.m., you would find me on his Facebook a photo album from December 2009.

9. "OK, but this time I'm serious. I'm NEVER texting her/him again."

10. "I'm going to do more cultural things. Museums, concerts, walking tours, that kinda thing."

11. "I'm definitely going to start reading more books."

12. "OK, but seriously, it's time to catch up on the classics. Jane Austen, here I come!"

13. "I'm going to clean my apartment right after work today, it's getting kinda gross."

14. "I'm going to start dressing more chic and professionally."

15. "I'm going to take fewer naps and do more work."

16. "Just one more episode."

17. "We should definitely get drinks soon!"

18. "Of course we'll stay in touch when you move!"

19. "Online dating really can't be that bad."

20. "I should diversify my music taste... Start looking for some cool new indie bands and stuff."

21. "I'm going to start staying on top of the news."

22. "I'm going to master a foreign language."

23. "I'm going to procrastinate less and work more."