When a friendship ends, it can feel just as painful, if not more painful, than when we break up with a partner. Yet, sometimes, we've been conditioned by society or loved ones not to grieve a friendship breakup on the same level as a romantic one.
Luckily, this taboo idea is slowly dissipating with the rise of people sharing their personal stories about friendship breakups on social media or other media outlets. But even though there's beginning to be a broader awareness about how friendship breakups can impact us, it seems we're still looking for healthy ways to heal when a friendship ends.
So to have a better understanding of how we can eventually move on from a friendship breakup, we connected with two experts:
The experts: Dr. Allie Sharma, MD, MSc, Co-Founder, and Chief Medical Officer of Being Health.
Danielle Bayard Jackson, a female friendship coach, educator, and owner of Friend Forward.
According to Danielle, the reason why a friendship breakup can sometimes feel so lonesome is because of the advice we receive from others when we openly share our sadness. When people go through a romantic breakup, they usually receive empathic responses and are given the space to grieve. However, with friendship breakups, people are often met with: "Oh, you can find new friends" or "You don't need them, anyway." These phrases can be dismissive and make friends seem easily replaceable, Danielle said.
On the other hand, people can dismiss their own feelings as well by saying, "Oh, well, I'm better off without them," which can make it hard to heal and move on. That's why Dr. Sharma said it's imperative to think of friendship breakups as a form of loss — and with loss comes grief.
This is especially true if you were ghosted by a friend and didn't get the chance to talk to them about why the friendship ended, which seems to be a more common practice as of late.
Also, there seems to be a lot more content on the internet that "justifies" ghosting. "We have so many models of ghosting [on social media], and a lot fewer of 'Here's the conversation we had when I had to let her know I didn't want to be a part of this friendship anymore' or 'When there's tension with your friend, here's how we worked through it.'"
However, Danielle doesn't believe ghosting is the right way to end a friendship unless there's a threat or harm at play such as berating or hurting you or blatantly ignoring your requests after you communicated your boundaries multiple times. "I've seen just as many videos talking about, 'Hey, I got ghosted, and to this day, I still don't know why,' and that takes a toll on people," she said.
And since a friendship breakup — whether by ghosting, naturally drifting apart, or a one-on-one conversation — can be hard to process and negatively impacts one's mental health, Dr. Sharma suggested reflecting on the friendship so you can eventually come to a place of acceptance and acknowledgment.
Of course, healing from a friendship breakup will not happen overnight, especially if the grieving process feels confusing or prolonged — so here are some expert-backed tips on how to heal from a friendship breakup below:
1. Give yourself permission to be upset.
2. Focus on your emotional health.
3. Check in on your relationship with social media.
4. Adopt a new hobby.
5. Practice self-care.
6. Connect with other friends.
7. Extract a lesson from the friendship.
Have you ever gone through a friendship breakup? Tell us what happened and how you navigated it in the comments below.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness helpline is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.