Adults Are Confessing Why Their Long-Term Friendships Ended, And It's Equal Parts Relatable And Heartbreaking

Keep your friends close and your enemies as far away as humanly possible.

Reddit user u/its_all_good20 recently asked, "What was the moment you realized you had to leave a toxic long term friendship?" and people had A LOT to say.

Courtesy Of Annapurna Pictures / Everett Collection / Everett Collection

Here are the best replies:

1. "I found out she’d been secretly sleeping with my ex-boyfriend who I was still in love with (and occasionally also sleeping with) for months. I told her our friendship was over and never talked to my ex again, either. I started dating my husband a week later."

Paramount / ©Paramount/Courtesy Everett Collection

—chickaboom_

2. "When I got a book deal, she tried to sabotage it by harassing my publishing house and asking to meet with them to have my book deal cancelled. It did not work. I had to contact a lawyer to get her to stop."

"When the book got published, she continued to spread lies about me to as many people as she could. It was a complete nightmare. But my professional success has allowed me to see her true colors, and I'm beyond grateful for that. I feel less anxious about it but three years later, she's still trying to convince the world that I'm a bad person."

—TheLionQueen2020

3. "I started to roll my eyes and get agitated every time she texted me."

—mmblondie16

4. "Every time she started dating someone, she ghosted everyone she knew until she eventually got dumped and needed consolation. She literally only viewed me as a placeholder for a man. So I decided to yeet her."

Lions Gate / ©Lions Gate/Courtesy Everett Collection

—sadsledgemain

5. "My ex-BFF was always coming over unannounced, even though she knew I hated it. One day I didn't answer the door when she knocked, so she got my spare key from its hiding spot and let herself in."

—manndermae

6. "I made a major life error and was very depressed. She took the opportunity to write me an email that was hurtful, hateful, and demeaning. I wrote a sad email telling her this was manipulative, and her response was to smash everything I gave her over 20+ years of friendship and leave the bits in a bag on my porch."

—chestymahoney

7. "Whenever my ex-friend would call me on the phone, I knew it would become an hour of listening to her relationship drama. She was in a codependent on-off thing with someone completely toxic, and I got so tired of these one-sided conversations. I got tired of being asked for advice which was never followed. Like, why am I here? I am not just a repository for your drama. I've got better things to do."

Universal / ©Universal/Courtesy Everett Collection

—LV2107

8. "She started saying racist things about me. When I asked for space to think about it, she told me she didn't understand why and that I had abandoned her just like her family had (she was adopted)."

—olive_orchid

9. "They just wanted to blame all their problems on everyone else instead of taking any accountability for their behavior."

—StrongFreeBrave

10. "My friend would book my bus tickets to visit because she 'missed me so much,' but then she'd just leave the house saying she had to run an 'errand' and left me alone with her baby! I found out later she went out with other friends for lunch and had basically tricked me into watching her baby so she could have her life back."

© 20th Century Fox / courtesy Everett Collection

—olive_orchid

11. "When I felt like I had to walk on eggshells to keep the friendship and could no longer talk to that person about it because I didn't feel heard."

—stonergirl216

12. "Any time I set a boundary, it would hurt her feelings. So I ended the friendship."

—spongesquid77

13. "I distanced myself because she monopolized my life for years. Sometimes it was just easier to say yes than get interrogated about why I couldn’t do something. We reconnected after a mutual friend died. After the conversation about the loss of our friend, she immediately started in with, 'I was just researching a resort in Mexico! If we book before the 12th we get two nights free!' and 'I’ve been craving that lasagna you make! We should have dinner Saturday!' Nope. Just nope."

©Buena Vista / Courtesy Everett Collection

"I’m in such a great place now. I’m comfortable setting boundaries with friends and it’s a very pleasant, peaceful existence! As for that ex-friend, several mutual friends have exited out of her life too. I hope she has grown and learned from it."

—LocalAndi

14. "Her boyfriend cussed me out and said things about my life that I only ever told her. She didn't even defend me."

—Redricefish

15. "I found myself always minimizing myself around her. I'd never dress nice or look too good because that would make her feel insecure, and then she'd make some nasty remark about my looks. I was growing tired of assuaging her insecurities so I just slowly stopped responding to her texts."

"I am not a big fan of that 'people deserve to know what they did wrong' nonsense — it just gives them an excuse to keep you tied to them."

—_gorydetails

16. "He told me that my cancer-stricken father and caregiver mom were in his way and an inconvenience as he was getting ready to go to work. My mom had just made him breakfast and ironed his shirt."

—rach1874

17. "Whenever I interacted with her, I would feel myself getting angry. She’d often post things on social media to illicit a reaction, then play the victim if anybody disagreed with her."

Peter Iovino / ©Lions Gate/courtesy Everett Collecti / Everett Collection

"She has/had like four Facebook accounts because she’d periodically get suspended for days or weeks and get banned from groups. She’d also want me to partake in defending her in these Facebook feuds."

—BxGyrl416

H/T r/AskWomen

Some responses have been edited for length and clarity.

Have you ever gone through a friendship breakup? When did you know it was time to cut them off?