Music

The 13 Most Important Versions Of R. Kelly's "Ignition (Remix)"

Go ahead, world, just TRY and ruin this song. I dare you. It can't be done.

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When R. Kelly went onstage with Phoenix at Coachella this year to perform a surprise live mashup of "Ignition (Remix)" — hands-down the greatest pop song to ever compare a lady to an automobile and, God willing, our future national anthem — he reminded us once again of what is arguably the song's greatest virtue.

And its virtues, they are many. But its crowning glory is this: No matter who's singing or playing it or mashing it up, no matter what the hell they're doing to it, this song cannot be bad. It is by definition a remix, and as such is infinitely remixable. It is invincible. Incorruptible.

Don't believe me? Just TRY to hate a single one of these versions. TRY.

1. The Hood Internet threw this together after hearing the live Coachella mash-up with Phoenix's "1901":

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From their website: "Hopefully this means R. Kelly is at the stage of his career where he just shows up and sings "Ignition (Remix)" over other people's songs all the time." (YES PLEASE)

2. They had previously mixed it with Major Lazer's "Keep It Going Louder."

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Also great.

3. Young The Giant covered it at the behest of the A.V. Club.

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4. Joseph Gordon-Levitt covered it at the behest of all humans, everywhere.

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5. "Ignition (Remix)" + "Call Me Maybe" = infinite dance party.

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6. And this mash-up vs. Avicii's "Levels (Skrillex Remix)" is pretty next-LEVEL.

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Hahaha sorry. By Area 6.

7. If it works as soulful acoustic British pop-rock sung by this dude, it CAN'T NOT WORK.

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8. Disheveled Australians with sitars? Sure, why not.

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That's Jinja Safari.

9. How about an adorably jaunty mandolin/uke cover? Okay!

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10. You guys, it's even great as a folksy violin instrumental. I swear.

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11. And don't even WORRY about this (vocal) mash-up vs. "Cups" from Pitch Perfect...

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12. ...because not even TEDDY GEIGER can kill this song.

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Did you know Teddy's making a new album? Lololololol.

13. If there's a single version of this song on earth that comes even close to ruining it, it's this one.

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Now I'm not tryna be rude, but this video is actually so aggressively ~white~ that it's sort of weirdly offensive? I wouldn't show it to you, but you should know about it so that you can hate it and burn it in your mind.

BUT.

But.

Still catchy?

To cleanse your soul after that, a reminder of how deeply wonderful the original still is:

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And thus was crowned the king of all party songs. BEEP BEEP foreverrrrrr, bitches.