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Weddings

If Bachelor Parties Looked Like Bachelorette Parties

Vaginas EVERYWHERE!

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Alice Mongkonglite / Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

We all know what to expect at a bachelorette party: matching T-shirts, innuendo-laced games, and penises. Lots of penises.

Which is why far too many BuzzFeed Life editors own a penis-shaped cake pan they can't seem to get rid of.
bachelorette.com

Which is why far too many BuzzFeed Life editors own a penis-shaped cake pan they can't seem to get rid of.

So we wondered what it would look like if bachelors showed vaginas the same amount of love that bachelorettes show penises.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed

Guys would obviously drink out of vagina straws.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

Cute ones.

Not the ones that currently exist, which don't look like actual human vaginas.
Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

Not the ones that currently exist, which don't look like actual human vaginas.

They'd serve up ~intimate~ desserts.

Cherry-flavored, of course.
Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

Cherry-flavored, of course.

The groom's brother would be up until 2 a.m. the night before the party making cookies that looked like tits and ass.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

The guys would spend three weeks exchanging 150 group emails about what should go on the T-shirts...

"Re: RE: RE: re: LOGAN'S BACHLOR PARTYy!!!!"
Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

"Re: RE: RE: re: LOGAN'S BACHLOR PARTYy!!!!"

...and they'd all wear coordinating accessories.

Get at me, Trophy Huz.
Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

Get at me, Trophy Huz.

The best man would DIY a vagina-inspired banner for the occasion.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

Do you know how many hours he spent curling ribbon to make those pubes?

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

The groom would insist on carrying a twee phone case to remind everyone of his future identity.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

One of the groomsmen would scour Pinterest to come up with a really clever icebreaker game.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

Spoiler alert: It's grapes.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

That one groomsman would probably take the theme a little too far.

And would drop $200 on a special vulva edition of cornhole.
Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

And would drop $200 on a special vulva edition of cornhole.

Everyone would get a chance to swing at the naughty piñata.

A puñata, if you will.
Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

A puñata, if you will.

The groom's friends would know exactly what sexy undies he’d look cute in.

Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

And it would be culturally acceptable for them to give him sex toys.

What's so weird about a Fleshlight between friends?
Lauren Zaser / BuzzFeed Life

What's so weird about a Fleshlight between friends?

Sure is fun to imagine...

John Gara / BuzzFeed Life

Aw, just missed it!

Maybe someday, in some world.

John Gara / BuzzFeed Life

Styled by: John Gara

Photography: Lauren Zaser

Product credits: Groom's T-shirt: Zazzle; guests' T-shirts: Zazzle; sunglasses: Zazzle; custom "Hubby" phone case: Zazzle; sex toys: Babeland; vagina piñata: Puñatas; vagina lollipops: Hott Products; "Mr." goblet, "Team Groom" cups, hats, balloons, beads, boa, and assorted decor: Party City; sash: Amazon; glitter letters (on sash): Michaels; blow-up doll and flag underwear: Spencer's; vagina bunting, vagina straws, and vagina guessing game: Monique Bartley; vagina cornhole: Jess Probus; boob confetti and sash: Rachel Wilkerson Miller.

Some of the decor and props in this shoot were given or loaned to BuzzFeed Life. Other items were handmade because — surprise! — there aren't currently a lot of companies selling vagina party props.

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