1. You can stop looking - this is the best headline of the year so far.
David Sherrat, 51, from Stoke, walked into his local pub naked with a bag “containing items of a sexual nature”. Police found amphetamine on him and he later admitted he “may have taken too much” of it, which sounds like something of an understatement.
8. From Christchurch, Dorset, the most British crime ever committed:
NICHOLAS PAUL ATTWELL aged 52 of Utrecht Court, Christchurch. Admitted burgling Poole and Bournemouth College, Christchurch Road, and stealing a cup of tea.
11. Sounds like kids in Merthyr Tydfil are trying to emulate the French lads who took a llama for a tram ride. But obviously they stole a lamb instead.
12. Steel yourself for a harrowing opening line in this story from the Matlock Mercury.
“Some pet bunnies had a lucky escape when a large gust of wind turned over their hutch – smashing it.”
Reader Karen Fry told the paper: “Luckily they were in the small bed area so weren’t thrown about too much, but completely covered in shavings!”