1. "It won't last!" in response to anything you say about enjoying being a parent.
2. "You don't even look that terrible!"
3. "Was it planned?"
4. "He/she doesn't look anything like you!"
5. "Have you thought about school options?"
6. "What is he eating?"
7. "Get used to never having sex ever again!”
8. "Did you want a boy / girl?”
Why it's annoying: There's not much we can do about it now is there? Except maybe give the child a lifelong sense of insecurity by asking questions like that.
What you should say: Again, just say they look cute.
9. "When are you having the next one?"
10. "Are you getting a nanny?"
Why it's annoying: Yes, absolutely, we're getting a nanny because we're both fabulously wealthy and from the 19th century.
What you should say: "What are you going to do about childcare? It's SO expensive isn't it?"
11. "We're going to take drugs at an all night rave with Beyonce and David Bowie. What are you doing this weekend? Anything fun?"
12. "OMG your baby is MASSIVE!" or "OMG your baby is TINY!"
Why it's annoying: This is a bit like saying the parent is fat or too thin. It's not very nice. Plus, parents are very anxious about he weight of their progeny.
What you should say: "Wow, he's looking really healthy."
13. "You should sleep when the baby sleeps."
14. "You should let him cry for a bit – never did our Darren any harm."
Why it's annoying: Times move on and parenting fashions change. It may once have been acceptable to leave a baby crying, outside, in the rain, for days on end, and sign them up with the local chimney sweep by the age of two. But it's not now.
What you should say: "I guess crying is just a form of communication."