1. "Yes, I'll have some ruthlessly rimmed wings please..."
2. "Actually I'll just have the viagra prawn warp."
3. "Does that come with chips? Sorry, sheeps?"
4. "... And do you do diet cock?"
5. "Ooh, free bears! I mean beers. No, actually just send the bear."
6. Maybe steer clear of the crap dip.
7. And the bowel rice.
8. And the crud rice.
9. But there's something for everyone out there.
10. On second thought I think I'm not hungry any more.
11. In this case, words really can't describe what this Chinese takeaway does.
13. This doesn't sound amazing.
14. Well, this is at least a resourceful approach to pest control.
15. As is this.
16. All vagitarians catered for.
17. There is in fact a worrying number of food establishments offering vag-related items.
18. A really worrying amount.
19. "Round-cut aborigine."
20. "Mmm, cumcumber."
21. "SCOTHCH". In fairness you would be saying it like that after a few too many.
22. There's nothing like a pub lunch. Like this dish of belly pork with "jew." Or "jus." Whatever.
23. The horsemeat scandal hasn't affected these people one bit.
24. But the "meat taps" sound lovely.
25. Meanwhile, takeaway drivers are given some very strict instructions these days.
26. Be careful if you choose to pick up the food yourself, though.
27. At least this one was polite.
28. And hey, why not go for a celebrity endorsement! If Conservative MP Eric Pickles thinks it's good, it can't be bad.
29. Semi-ironic rockers The Darkness can't get enough of this curry house.
30. If all else fails, you can always take advantage of this timeless offer.
Correction: This post originally mentioned "chicken fingers," which are an unheard of food for our highly cultured staff members over at BuzzFeed UK.