1.Constantly trying to think of indoor activities because it’s always raining.
2.Having to take three sets of clothes when you go on a British holiday because you don’t trust the weather.
3.When you say “Sorry” to your kids when in fact you mean “OBEY ME”.
4.When you say “Sorry” to violent children at the soft play centre or a birthday party, when what you mean is “Get the fuck away from my child”.
5.Repeatedly saying “Sorry” to the midwife while giving birth, despite this literally being their actual job.
6.Hanging out with other parents you only vaguely like so you can go for a wee in Costa while they hold your baby.
7.When you reply “it’s fine!” in the group chat when everyone but you is late to a baby date.
8.When you always apologise for being late to baby dates.
9.Only ever going to pubs that you can take children to (preferably with some sort of play area so the whole place doesn't hate you).
10.Walking around town aimlessly because you’re too self-conscious taking your buggy into a crowded cafe or shop and you don't want to inconvenience anyone.
11.When you hope there's at least some kind of wine at the National Trust property you’re visiting.
12.When you move house 100 metres in the direction of your favoured school just to get your kid accepted.
13.The painful knowledge that it takes two minutes at any gathering of parents for someone to start talking about house prices.
14.When you can't stand CBeebies but let your kids watch it because it has no adverts.
15.When they want a toy and you take them to Poundland and it's a win-win situation.
16.When you say “Thanks, I’m only going one stop!” while heavily pregnant on public transport, despite going another 8 stops and feeling awkward about asking someone to stand up.
17.When you smile politely at the other mum / dad you’ve seen every day for the last four years without ever, EVER saying hello to them.
18.When you say “Oh we should meet up some time and get the kids together” to other parents and 100% know, beyond all certainty, that it will never happen.
