37 Weird Questions All Parents Have Asked Watching CBeebies
If Bing is a rabbit, what the fuck is Flop?
1. It’s OK to let my kids watch this: It’s the BBC and there are no adverts. What harm can it do?
2. But is it OK to fancy one or more of the presenters? Perhaps if you never, ever tell anyone?
3. Even if it’s Andy or Rebecca?
4. But who are these people who apparently think Mr Bloom is so sexy? What is that about?
5. And what is Mr Bloom’s accent all about? Is it Yorkshire? Is it East Midlands?
6. THE ACTOR’S NOT EVEN NORTHERN.
7. Does making vegetables talk make kids more or less likely to eat them in real life?
8. Robert, the robot from Justin’s House, sure has a lot of opinions for a subservient inhuman slave.
9. If you’d paid for that robot, you’d put him on a setting where he didn’t give you quite so much unsolicited feedback.
10. Is it only a matter of time before he turns on Justin and all of humanity and goes "full Terminator"?
11. If Bing is a rabbit, what the fuck is Flop? A stuffed toy? A cloth ghost forced to live on in a cruel twilight existence, answering Bing’s ANNOYING questions forever?
12. If Flop isn't Bing's dad, where is Bing’s actual family?
13. Maybe everyone in Bing in really just living in a Stranger Things-style netherworld.
14. HOW IS ANYONE OK WITH BING KILLING THAT BUTTERFLY?
15. How did the conversation go between Mark Rylance and his agent when Bing came up? “Listen Mark, I know you’re a multi-award-winning stage and screen actor but I think you’d be great as this weird creature that hangs around with a needy rabbit.”
16. Same with Derek Jacobi narrating In The Night Garden. How does that make sense?
17. Iggle Piggle is just a little arsehole. If he’s refusing to go to bed EVERY SINGLE NIGHT then maybe his parents should try setting some fucking boundaries.
18. AND, when Iggle Piggle gets in the boat at the start of the show, where is he going? When has he come from?
19. There is a popular internet theory that he really adrift on the ocean throughout the whole episode, and the garden is his dying hallucination, which really makes you think.
20. Does anyone actually know the difference between the Ninky-Nonk and the Pinky-Ponk?
21. Why does stuff in the garden keep changing in size?
22. Hey Duggee is great, but can Duggee talk or does he just choose not to? Did he have to go on a course to be the leader of the animal scouts?
23. It is truly ironic that the mum from Topsy and Tim is called Joy but is the most miserable person on the planet.
24. Hang on, is that the guy from The Thick of It narrating Sarah and Duck?
25. Yes, yes it is.
26. The “Let it Be Me” song from Let’s Play is the most catchy, annoying, damn-blasted piece of music ever invented and it will stay in your head for weeks and weeks.
27. Are the lyrics to the Chuggington theme really just “Chuggington / Chuggy, chuggy, chuggy, chuggy, Chuggington”?
28. I wonder what sort of reviews Furchester Hotel gets on TripAdvisor. Very bad ones, you would think.
29. The My Pet And Me presenters are very sweet and nice to both children and animals, but it’s safe to say they didn’t get the gig through their amazing singing voices.
30. Does Mr Maker just go on holiday and then do a bit of kids TV presenting while he’s there? Are there not huge cutbacks at the BBC? Yet they can send him to Brazil every week?
31. Are all the children at the start of Baby Jake really necessary? They’re only in it for 10 seconds and there's 85 of them.
32. How do they all fit in that windmill? Council housing is hard to get, but surely with 85 children you’d be towards the top of the list.
33. Since when has Postman Pat had a bloody HELICOPTER?
34. How come he gets a helicopter to deliver ONE THING PER EPISODE when in real life the delivery man can barely manage to throw Amazon orders over my fence?
35. Postman Pat’s boss calls him day or night with all manner of tasks – he should have a look at his contract or join the union. He’s being shafted. I bet his kids don’t know what he looks like.
36. Which national or international government body is funding the Octonauts? And wouldn’t they want a bit more done with their funding than rescuing the occasional crab?
37. Despite all the cutbacks that the BBC is making at the moment, can they please make sure they don't ever kill off CBeebies?
Thanks for the suggestions from: Luke, Simon, Tom C., Meg, Christina, Andrzej, Hayley, Richard, Robyn, Tom S., Andy, and Sophia.