The New York Museum of Sex recently offered Jets quarterback and alleged virgin Tim Tebow a lifetime membership to its Fifth Avenue emporium of booty science and culture.
Well, we scoped the place out for Tim, and we think he should definitely go. It’ll be a great learning experience.
1. He can chat with a sultry offensive coordinator.
2. He can play the latest sex videogames.
Users could manipulate this video display with a joystick.
3. He can see the doormat Rex Ryan donated.
Because you step on it. Because of the foot fetish.
4. He can freely divulge those deep, dark secrets.
5. He can learn about fat sex 16.
6. He can see what happens when you miss the playoffs.
7. He can improve his “locker-room presence.”
8. He can see a drawing of Mark Sanchez.
9. He can see where he will one day be immortalized.
10. He can play “Spot That Junk!” Can you spot that junk?
11. He can just zone out and chill, bro. Let the dildo flower take over your mind.
12. He can pick up a Halloween costume.
13. He can safely feel the figure of a woman for the first time.
14. He can learn about teamwork.
15. He can learn about ostrich sex.
16. He can find something to talk to Rex Ryan about.
17. He can ignore science.
18. He can see how manatees get it on.
19. Or monkeys…
20. Or pandas…
21. Or dolphins…
22. Or robots…
23. Or Rafiki.
24. He can appreciate sperm art.
25. He can visit Joe Namath.
26. He can pick up a present for Rex Ryan’s office door.
27. He can go all the way on this seductive-looking couch.
28. He can pick up some new kicks.
29. He can buy Derek Jeter’s new book.
30. He can finally find a way to shut up the media.
31. And at the end of the day, Tebow can enjoy the one thing he loves more than sex: Alcohol.
32. At the Museum of Sex, Tim Tebow will be as pleased as this camel.
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