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    17 Of The Worst Sexy Amazon Halloween Costumes, Ranked

    On a scale of 1–10, I feel -3 horny.

    It's spooky SZN, baby! And you know what that means. It's time to prepare the ~hottest~ of Halloween costumes.

    Paramount Pictures

    Personally, I aim to go as a sexy shark this year.

    However, there are just some costumes that take the "sexy" thing a tad too far. Here are some of the worst hot Halloween looks I found on Amazon, ranked from bad to terrible:

    17. Sexy Jigsaw (?):

    A white leotard with red pom poms down the center
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Oh, on the one hand, this clown costume is pretty cute. On the other hand, the title of the product says, "Let's Play a Game," which makes me think of Saw? So why does it look like a sexy Pennywise? Am I a moron? All great questions.

    16. Sexy SWAT Officer:

    A black bodycon dress with body harness details that says "SWAT" over the chest
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Cop costumes are a big nay from me in general but this one is just lazy! You can't just write the word of what you are on a costume and expect it to be a costume!

    15. Sexy Freddy Krueger:

    A torn red and brown knit dress with a hat and long fingers
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Does anyone else think that this model looks a bit like Megan Fox? I mean, not IDENTICAL or anything, but enough that she'd really nail the Jennifer's Body white dress look? No? Anyway...

    14. Sexy Muppet:

    A torn shirt with the face of Monster from "The Muppets" with a short tutu
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Smack my ass like a drum, Animal!

    13. Sexy Mime:

    Latex buttoned hot pants with a striped crop top
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    I have no words.

    12. Sexy Golfer:

    A light low cut vest and short skirt with a preppy print
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Tee-rifying. 

    11. Sexy Blind Mouse:

    A bodycon dress with a tail, ears, and giant sunglasses
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    This is almost completely irrelevant but I have a fake Insta account that only has one pic of the three blind mice from Shrek on it and I still got one of those scam DMs that was like, "We love your style, we'd love to collab..."

    10. Sexy Tin Man:

    Short foil dress with pointed details and a decorative axe
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    I've personally always thought a fatal flaw in The Wizard of Oz is the lack of horniness. 

    9. Sexy Jolly Rancher:

    A ruffled dress that says "Jolly Rancher"
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    I'm not American so I don't really know what Jolly Ranchers are. So I asked my coworker how she felt about this image and she replied, "It makes me feel very unwell."

    8. Sexy Harry Potter:

    Lacy underwear with a Gryffindor tie and braces
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    I originally thought this was a mere "sexy schoolgirl" costume. I was wrong, as this is CLEARLY a "Brave Magical Student." What does that wand do?

    7. Sexy Minion Costume:

    Very short overalls with a bright t-shirt and goggles
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    At this point, I am basically immune to any weird shit Minions can throw in my general direction. However, the product title of "Sexy Sinful and Sassy Subordinate" is sending me.

    6. Sexy Pumpkin:

    A vest top that says "If you like my pumpkins you should see my pie" with a pair of shorts that says "pie"
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Okay, this is more pumpkin-themed than pumpkin costume but I encourage you to think about whether it would be better or worse for the pie to go at the front or back.

    5. Sexy Tarzan:

    A piece of leopard print cloth covering a man's crotch
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    One four-star review simply reads, "Wife likes me in it."

    4. Sexy Hamilton:

    A skin-tight take on a traditional founding fathers' look, complete with sweetheart neckline and thigh-high boots
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Lin-Manuel MiranDAMN hahahhahahahhahaa kill me.

    3. Sexy Genie:

    A man wearing a genie lamp around his waist that says "rub me!"
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Blah, blah, sure this is a bit "funny" but they did not have to go so hard with the smoke. 

    2. Sexy Business Lady:

    A waistcoat, paired with a thong and suspenders
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    This is what feminism has been for, fellow girlbosses.

    1. Sexy Native American:

    A suede-looking dress with beading and tassels
    Amazon / Via amazon.com

    Please stop doing this.

    Anyway, off I go to try and cleanse my Amazon recommended list from this cursed experiment.

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