Given their unique point of view, we asked divorced members of the BuzzFeed Community about the key to a successful marriage. Here are some of our favorite responses:
1. "You can have beautiful intentions and words, but without any follow-through, they lose their meaning."
Submitted by Cassie Jean, Facebook
2. "Learn to pick your battles. What is REALLY worth fighting about? Is it worth hurting the other person?"
Submitted by Butwhythough
3. "Be nice to each other. It sounds easy, but sometimes it really isn't."
Submitted by Vanessa Fasanella, Facebook
4. "You and your partner need to be able to have fun with the typical, everyday parts of life."
Submitted by alliewhittington14
5. "Accept the person for who they are. If you can’t accept them the way they are or love them with the flaws they have, then you will spend a lifetime trying to make them who you want, and it doesn’t work that way."
Submitted by Judy Cox, Facebook
6. "Never stop appreciating each other, and never stop doing things the other person will appreciate. If you want to love someone forever, put effort into being lovable and showing them they are loved."
Submitted by andiewtf
7. "Get a grasp of what you can and can't have control over, so that you can go on with your life accordingly."
Submitted bu Serge Kulyk, Facebook
8. "Communicate. Talk about your feelings, especially the crappy ones. Sit down and remember that this is the person whom you once wanted to take on the world with."
Submitted by Aislen Hartwell, Facebook
9. "Find someone who has the same sense of right and wrong and the same sense of fairness. You’ll be able to see each other’s point of view and compromise."
Submitted by j451b2f8b6
10. "Don’t cheat, period. Whether it is physical, emotional, or otherwise. It is detrimental to the trust in your relationship."
Submitted by taustin
11. "Don’t forget who you are as an individual in your married life."
Submitted by samanthas43ff3bc74
12. "Don’t set expectations in your head of what you want without telling the other person."
Submitted by amyallenm
13. "Effort is key. Both people in the marriage have to try. It can't always be one person doing stuff and the other person not getting anything in return."
Submitted by Sandy Galvan, Facebook
14. "Be completely honest and truthful about everything, no matter if it hurts...especially if it hurts."
Submitted by Brandy Townsend, Facebook
15. "You can’t love someone else until you love yourself."
Submitted by jennifert4c9a17c55
16. "Arguments should be productive. Both partners should learn something and it should be a growth opportunity rather than a competition to see who 'wins' or who is 'right.'"
Submitted by murphydoggo
17. "Make sure your life goals and your partner's life goals align."
Submitted by Sheanna Caban, Facebook
18. "Grow. Both separately and together. Make sure that you are involved with the growth of your partner, but that you allow them the freedom to be their own person."
Submitted by baumannsaraha
19. "Never stop checking in. People grow and goals change. Don’t assume you’ll always grow and change in the same direction. If you don’t check in often enough, you can end up down two different paths that are no longer compatible."
Submitted by jackiedoyle385
20. "Never take each other for granted. Appreciation goes both ways, and the minute you stop, indifference and lack of empathy for your partner creeps in."
Submitted by wonbobo6
21. "Romantic gestures are great, but little day-to-day actions, like helping to take out the trash or doing the dishes mean more."
Submitted by Rachelm7676
22. "Never talk poorly about your spouse to others, including putting them down to their face. Support them and find the good in them."
Submitted by jahudak
23. "Make sure you’re on the same page with financial handling."
Submitted by brookelulehuas
24. "Express what you need from your partner. They’re not mind-readers. Resentment builds."
Submitted by meaghanaidan
25. "Laugh together. Share in the daily happiness and little things together."
Submitted by DiannaGoose
26. "You cannot promise forever, but you can promise tomorrow."
Submitted by p4ea646aad
27. "The biggest lesson learned is that no one teaches you how to be married. It’s literally something that is so unique to that specific pairing at that specific moment, so unless you’re willing to constantly evolve as a couple and make your own rules, it’s never going to work."
Submitted by sukimonkey