We asked the BuzzFeed Community to tell us when they realized they were falling out of love with their significant other, and the responses crushed me. Here are some more of those sad tales:
🚨 Please be advised that some of the stories discuss suicide, domestic abuse, and mental illness.🚨
1. "I had a miscarriage and he told me that I was faking it."
"I started to realize it when I had a miscarriage and he told me that I was faking it. Then, to make matters worse, he kicked me out of his house when I wouldn't sleep with him because, and I quote, 'Sleeping next to you hurts because you're blue-balling me. What good is a girlfriend if my balls are blue?'"
2. "I found out that he hooked up with another chick."
"My ex flat out told me he wasn't spending my birthday with me because we had been fighting a lot lately. Later, I found out that he hooked up with another chick that day and he eventually left me for her."
3. "He finally broke up with me after a couple of months of half-ass ghosting me."
"We were together for over a year and always talked about getting a place together, but near the end he just kind of disappeared. He finally broke up with me after a couple of months of half-ass ghosting me, but said he still loved me, and just didn't have the time for me. He's now married with kids and I don't want him back, but I want to know why. What really happened? What was it I did to make him want to leave? I haven't been in a relationship since and now I'm not sure I can be in one."
4. "I would always complain about her and how annoying she was."
"When I was out with my friends, I would always complain about her and how annoying she was. Then when my friends took me places, I’d find myself looking at and flirting with other girls. It took her finding out for me to understand I’d fallen out of love."
5. "I found out he'd been screwing one of my coworkers."
"He didn't bother to keep in touch for a whole month after I started a new job at a store that we both applied for. I thought he was jealous and figured I'd just wait for him to get over it, but then I found out he'd been screwing one of my coworkers since I'd gotten the job. She was someone I had previously considered more than just a work friend. I knew I was no longer in love with him when I felt sadder about the loss of my friendship with her than the loss of my relationship with him. I finally felt relief when my security guard friend decided to ban him from the store for staff harassment."
6. "He looked at me and said he had other things he wanted to do, rather than accompany me to the ER."
"We had been together about 10 years. My son had brain surgery to remove a brain tumor. Finally my son was allowed to come home. The next morning I realized he was having a spinal fluid leak out of his nose. I ran to our bedroom to tell my BF and urge him to get dressed because we had to rush my son back to the hospital. He looked at me and said he had other things he wanted to do, rather than accompany me to the ER. Talk about being 'hit with a 2x4.' When I got my son to the ER and they confirmed the spinal fluid leak, I had to walk out. I cried and cried; balled my eyes out in fact. I then sent my BF a very long text telling him to pack up his shit and to get out of my house!"
7. "He would lie about the smallest things, like what he ate for lunch."
"He would lie about the smallest things, like what he ate for lunch and stuff like that. He once told me he had a burger, only to find out later that he actually had pasta. I don't care what you eat, but why are you even lying about stuff like that? That's when I realized that he was a compulsive liar. Eventually, I found out that he was cheating on me, lost his job, and other things all while we were in a relationship. But he lied about the cheating and unemployment too."
8. "I just can't stand my boyfriend anymore."
"I'm falling out of love right now. I just can't stand my boyfriend anymore. He's shallow, uncultured, and lazy, meanwhile I love art, culture, knowledge, music, science, etc. We're polar opposites. The sparkling love adventure we were once on came crashing down once I started to discover the person he really is. It feels horrible."
9. "I realized that I was wasting her time."
"I asked my GF of two years if she could make an effort to be a little more romantic, and her response to me was, 'I can't give you that right now.' I realized that I was wasting her time, so I walked away."
10. "He was just so negative."
"My ex suffered from some mental health problems, but refused to acknowledge it despite me trying to be supportive and help him. He was just so negative and would go through periods where even the smallest thing would set him over the edge. I finally realized that he'd either need to seek professional help or get out of my life. He didn't like the ultimatum, so I told him it was time for him to go. I don't regret it. I loved him, but you can only allow so much negativity in your life when somebody won't help themselves. He was toxic."
11. "He was extremely abusive, emotionally and verbally."
"My ex-husband and I were together for 15 years, and married for almost 13 when I left. He was extremely abusive, emotionally, and verbally. My dad had an accident that put him in intensive care for almost two months before he passed away. He would get angry with me for trying to spend time at the hospital. The day my dad died my entire family was there at his bedside: my mom, my brother and his wife and kids, my sister and her husband and kids, and me — alone.
Then later, after years of trying, I found out I was pregnant. I miscarried not long after we found out and I was completely devastated. He acted like he could care less. The absolute final straw was later that year on what would have been our due date. He caught me crying and when he asked what was wrong I told him. He rolled his eyes and said, 'My god, aren't you over it by now?' Our divorce should be final by the end of next month."
12. "He told me it would be my fault if I got pregnant."
"I knew I was falling out of love when I missed a birth control pill and he told me it would be my fault if I got pregnant, and it would be my responsibility to get an abortion. This made me realize I didn't want him to be the father to my kids. We didn't last long after that."
13. "He stopped visiting me — we were long distance — while I was putting in all the effort visiting him."
"There was a fire in his city and two people were missing. When I mentioned it to him and how sad it was, he responded, 'Who cares, it’s just two people.' They DIED! That was the beginning of the end. Then he didn’t get me a birthday present because he 'couldn’t afford it,' but spent hundreds of dollars on a new video game console that week. He also stopped visiting me — we were long distance — while I was putting in all the effort visiting him. Then the final straw was when he came to my close cousin’s wedding with me and refused to dance with me. He then Ubered home early because he was bored."
14. "I got a text from him saying, 'Why do you keep singing that stupid song?"
"My ex and I had a song that we considered to be 'our song.' One night, I heard a rumor that he was feeling suicidal. I was scared out of my mind, so I started texting him the lyrics to our song, and leaving him voicemails saying, 'I love you.' Two hours later I got a text from him saying, 'Why do you keep singing that stupid song, what is wrong with you?' That's all he said. It broke my heart. I should've dumped him then and there — that would've saved myself from being heartbroken many more times."
15. "A year of mental/physical abuse."
"It took about a year of mental/physical abuse to finally see through the gaslighting, and realize I was absolutely out of love. Ultimately, I decided to move away to a different town and start new."
16. "I realized that not one of them were negative, dismissive, or condescending know-it-alls like he was."
"I'm in a group of hoopers who got invited to perform daily at the massive state fair last year. We were there for about a month performing every day and my specific dates/times were posted all over my social media. He never bothered to see me once. During the course of this all, I met several of the midway workers and I realized that not one of them were negative, dismissive, or condescending know-it-alls like he was. By the time the fair was over, I was done. I left a guy with a decent job at a famous tech company because of a bunch of carnies, and I regret nothing."
17. "He was emotionally abusive."
"I thought my first boyfriend was the love of my life, but he was emotionally abusive. I had low self-esteem and was put in the hospital by my therapist one time, and he used that against me for the rest of the relationship. I realized it wasn't working when his mom said I wasn't good enough for him. I had to sneak into his house to see him, but he couldn't bother to drive to see me. After three years of me putting in all the work, I realized it wasn't a real relationship."
18. "I went for a monthlong trip to Europe by myself and he didn't call or text."
"I went for a monthlong trip to Europe by myself, which my husband does every year to visit family in his home country. He didn't call or text, and about halfway through I video chatted him. He seemed annoyed to be bothered and when I told him, 'I miss you,' he didn't respond. When I asked him about it, he told me he didn't really miss me. We've been together 10 years, married for seven, and I sponsored him for his green card. Now I'm getting divorced, after he got what he wanted, and starting all over in my thirties."
19. "I didn't want to be with someone who would look at me with such pity and disgust."
"We've been married for 32 years and we often commented on how we could never see ourselves without the other person. At around year 20 I was diagnosed with a degenerative disease. I shared all the info and prognosis with him; he was supportive in many ways. But over time, things changed. The first time he saw me in a wheelchair, he just stared at me and then walked away. It was like a knife into my heart, because I knew at that moment that I didn't want to be with someone who would look at me with such pity and disgust. It took another couple of years to realize that his attitude wasn't temporary, even though he tried to hide it, so I left.
Now, I'm happy to be where I am and if I ever meet a person who sees me first before they see my disability, that will be the person that I'll at least ask out on a date. Until then, my dogs are just fine company. They may snore louder than he ever did, but they don't steal the covers or get embarrassed by the way i walk."
20. "He never told any of his friends that we were together."
"I realized it was time to break up when he gave me flowers and candy for Valentine's Day, then ended up lying to me to get the flowers back, so he could give them to the girl they were originally for. After we broke up, I found out that he never told any of his friends that we were together. I was so happy to find out the truth than waste four years of high school on him."
21. "My GF was angry with me because, 'I ruined her day.'"
"I was having mental health problems (PTSD and depression-related). I was suicidal, so I asked my mum to take me to the hospital cause I was scared of myself. My GF was angry with me because 'I ruined her day,' and because 'I wasn't taking care of her.' That was when I realized that I didn't need her in my life anymore."
22. "I knew it was over the first time my ex put his hands on me."
"I knew it was over, and started planning my escape, the first time my ex put his hands on me. There were other issues before that, (alcoholism, jealousy, possessiveness, controlling mother) but this was the nail in the coffin. Eight years together and I couldn't imagine spending another millisecond with someone who claimed to love me, and then turned around and physically abused me. Fuck that guy, I love me more!"
23. "He would make me feel guilty for going anywhere without him."
"Oh gosh, where do I start? We were together for five years and I was completely miserable for three of them. He would make me feel guilty for going anywhere without him. He'd even go as far as screenshotting pics of me sitting in the vicinity of a male, then accuse me of cheating. The breaking point was when he came home one night after being out and he harassed me for sex until I literally gave in. That's when I truly got insight into how controlling and manipulative behavior."
24. "He had zero motivation to work."
"I was with my ex for almost three years. The entire time, he had zero motivation to work for the things he wanted. He would jump from job-to-job and then ultimately just stop going. Yet, he constantly wanted to buy new cars, travel, move out of state, go snowboarding, etc. He wanted ME and/or his parents to pay for everything. I had low self-esteem, so I pretty much went bankrupt for the guy. I thought I loved him. I finally got the strength to break up with him. That was a little over 11 years ago and I've been single ever since."
25. "We were having bedroom issues."
"We were having bedroom issues. He would want it very late at night, only when I was already asleep or about to be. I started initiating earlier, but it irritated him to have it before he was done with the day. One day he was out for the morning so I got all dressed up in lingerie and waited in bed for him. He was flustered when he got home, because he made plans to go skateboarding with his friends. We had sex in a fashion where I was barely a participant and then he left.
Then there were other instances, like when he went on a vacation while I took leave from work to take care of my dad with cancer. Or when he revealed that he got high with his friends before our wedding and came up with his wedding vows minutes before, even though we agreed to write our own. After therapy, I gained some self-respect and got out of that marriage."
—kwo
Note: Submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity. Not all submissions were from Community users.
If you or someone you are seeking help and in need of resources, please don't hesitate to use the following:
The National Suicide Prevention Lifeline is 1-800-273-8255. Other international suicide helplines can be found at befrienders.org. The Trevor Project, which provides help and suicide-prevention resources for LGBTQ youth, is 1-866-488-7386. You can also text TALK to 741741 for free, anonymous 24/7 crisis support in the US and UK from the Crisis Text Line.
If you or someone you know is in immediate danger as a result of domestic violence, call 911. For anonymous, confidential help, you can call the 24/7 National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 (SAFE) or chat with an advocate via the website.
The National Alliance on Mental Illness is 1-888-950-6264 (NAMI) and provides information and referral services; GoodTherapy.org is an association of mental health professionals from more than 25 countries who support efforts to reduce harm in therapy.