It's Time To Let Them Go, Babe — 14 Things To Help You Leave Your Ex In The Past And Get Back To Your Happier Self

Get in loser, we're getting over our ex this year!

We asked the BuzzFeed community to share their best advice for getting over a breakup and detaching from an ex. Here's what they had to say:

1. "After my first ever breakup, my mom told me to look at what happened from the perspective of a friend, or someone else whose only skin in the game is wanting me to be happy."

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"I did that, and it helped me realize how badly I had been treated in the whole thing, and that somehow made me go, 'You know what, fuck that, I’m not doing that again.' I started working on improving myself. It doesn’t work for everything, but it does help sometimes."

—u/snakesandsapphics

2. "Take the time you need to grieve. My 3.5-year relationship ended, thankfully, amicably, because we wanted different things for our future. We knew that to stay together, one of us would have to compromise more than either of us was comfortable with."

Warner Bros. Pictures

"Even though nothing nefarious happened to end our relationship, I still had to take time to grieve. This was the person I thought I was going to spend the rest of my life with; I thought this was the person I would sleep next to every night for the rest of my life, go grocery shopping with, and do laundry with. I had to mourn the future I thought we were going to have because my partner was legitimately my best friend first and foremost. After we broke up, I tried dating again, but it just didn't feel right. So, I spent the next two years working on myself. I started working out more, reading more, and most importantly, addressing what I was going through in therapy. It took me two years to be fully comfortable with the idea of dating someone new. Now, I am with someone wonderful who is on the same page about our future, and I start graduate school in May!"

—u/emocrab35

3. "Don’t blame yourself for the relationship ending. Once time has passed, ask yourself if the relationship was worth your time and effort. No? You did the right thing."

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"My relationship ended, and I was devastated. Tears were shed, followed by anger when watching Sex and the City episodes ('Take Me Out to the Ball Game,' 'Twenty-Something Girls vs. Thirty-Something Women,' 'Attack of the Five Foot Ten Woman,' 'Running with Scissors,' and 'The Real Me'). As I watched these episodes and did some thinking, I realized our break was for the best due to the narcissistic behaviors."

—u/smellytortoise841

4. "The alternative to breaking up is remaining in a relationship where one or both parties is/are not happy, and that's worse than any split."

Fox

"Even if you were the one blindsided and left heartbroken, look at it as an opportunity for someone to come in and be happy with you in the future."

—u/problematik

5. "If you can, try to change your scenery for a little while after a breakup. This is tricky if there are kids involved or other circumstances, but even just a small shakeup can really help."

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"I was a competitive swimmer, and during long races, I would tell myself, 'There will be a time when this isn't happening anymore,' and I applied that same concept to the pain I felt after a bad breakup. When I went through my breakup, I had a dog-sitting engagement for a week afterward so I wasn't able to sit in our empty house wishing it weren't empty. Plus, dogs."

—u/sharxnshibs

6. "It’s a small thing, but refer to your ex as 'my ex' rather than saying their name."

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"You or your friends will inevitably talk about the breakup and, for me, not saying their name helped me not think about the person, while still talking about what happened during that relationship. It’s a way to wean yourself off of those memories. I’ve helped a lot of friends get through breakups by sharing this advice."

—u/pjones30

7. "Keep doing your hobbies and maybe add new things!"

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"It takes time for the pain to dull so the best way to make time move faster is to focus on things you enjoy, even if you aren't feeling like it at the time. It also helps if you focus on yourself and your wants/needs so that when you are ready to date again, you will be fulfilled and happier."

—u/magicalship92

8. "A good friend said to me, 'Never give 100% of yourself to someone because if it ends, you’ll be left with nothing.'"

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"I went through a really bad breakup with my son’s father that affected me not just emotionally but mentally as well. I was madly in love with that man. My friend's advice hit me to my core, and it’s something I still live with today, 15 years later."

—u/lynncaserta

9. “You don’t break up and trade down!”

NBC

"The advice was from my colleague's husband. He’d pulled me aside, worried the breakup would affect my mental health, and he was right. What he was telling me was whoever I dated next would be so much better and that I would never think about that situation/person again. This was about 20 years ago now — I’ve been in three relationships since then. Each time things fell apart, I leaned on that advice. Today, I am very happily married with a beautiful son."

—u/samanthahanlon

10. "Don’t look back. Keep it movin’."

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"My thought has always been that when something ends, something better out there is waiting for you. It’s very difficult to see in the moment. You have to remind yourself that when one door closes, another opens. Stay busy and focus on a new goal you want to attain. Take your focus off the person and focus on making your life better without them."

—u/bestsunflower20

11. "You can be sad for a little bit, but don’t stop living your life because of it."

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—u/darthjarjar

12. "The value of things is not in how long they last, but in the intensity with which they happen. That's why there are unforgettable moments, inexplicable things, and incomparable people."

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"It's a quote by the poet and writer Fernando Pessoa."

—u/154pma

13. "I was very sad at the beginning, and I still feel sadness, but what has helped me the most is not seeing this as an isolated and devastating tragedy."

HBO Max

"One of my college students mentioned in passing that he had just broken things off with his girlfriend. After class, I told him I was sorry to hear the news and asked him how he was doing. He said, 'I've decided to look at it as a blend of all the love and the good times we shared, and also, of all the times that were tough. A sum of our ups and downs, the things that worked and the ones that didn't; a cycle that started, and like many other things in life, had to come to an end.'

I thought this was incredibly wise, beautiful, and brave. Two days ago, my cat had to be put to sleep, and as heartbreaking as this was for me (I never thought I could feel so much pain), his words have really helped me navigate my loss. My wonderful cat is not just everything I lost, but all the wonderful things we shared during the 20 years she was by my side."

—u/valsuarezh

14. Lastly, "Write out whatever you feel in the moment."

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"I was going through the end of a situationship that ended very suddenly basically via text. I was so sad for weeks. My former roommate gave me some advice about it: Write a letter to that person with everything you want to say to them. All the good, the bad, anything. When you’re done, get a lighter, go outside, and burn the letter. You don’t have to burn it until you’re ready, but I found that this gave me a sense of closure and the ability to move on."

—u/lostinthevoid420

Were there words of wisdom or a piece of brutal advice that helped you during your breakup? Share it with us in the comments below!