1.
me checking my bank account in the line at Starbucks before ordering my iced coffee
2.
just found out i actually have to reply to ppl if i ever want to fall in love again
3.
Facebook will forever be undefeated lol I need this tank top 😂
4.
when my unwanted plans get canceled:
5.
I want TV high school couples to stay together forever but if any of my IRL friends try to date someone from their high school I will call the police immediately
6.
bro: come on i’m outside me in the shower:
7.
“I think I can change him”
8.
me auditioning as seaweed in the little mermaid just to be near harry
9.
dogs be laid out tired like they worked a 9-5 GET YO SPOILED ASS UP
10.
“fuck that job. I’m staying home. I wanna quit anyway... lemme get my ass up before I’m late.”
11.
I know you not using white bread as a oven mitt 😂 https://t.co/hEU1DhFgQt
12.
i think you forgot to photoshop your reflection https://t.co/Z28hZaFLmD
13.
sooo this car was tailgating me.. so I had to eliminate da dude
14.
Professor: “I’m not taking attendance today, but I highly recommend that you—“ Me:
15.
Me disguising myself as a ceiling fan in Beyoncé's bedroom so I can watch her sleep
16.
Nobody: My timeline:
17.
When you’re running late and forget something
18.
Nobody: Me at 2 am with the bottle of water by my bed:
19.
Direct deposit https://t.co/6hsknIsEz0
20.
when you push a pull door and the person behind u says "you need to pull" aye thanks bro, surely my next idea was to start lifting from the bottom
21.
this is me still laughing at my own jokes ten minutes AFTER no one else found it funny
22.
dr strange: *opens the portals* dusted avengers:
23.
When I get my foot scrubbed during my pedicure
24.
Me: I will be productive today Twitter:
25.
My second stomach ready for desserts after finishing dinner https://t.co/EueEfJzAFq