I recently asked the BuzzFeed Community to share some parenting trends that they think are actually super harmful to kids, and the responses came pouring in. People who were raised on specific popular or trendy parenting techniques shared their stories of how they've been affected. And parents commented with common trends they constantly see other parents following and that they actively avoid. Here are some of the best responses:
1. "The whole being a content creator with your young child. To me, it just seems like the parents are exploiting their children for money. We always talk about how bad stage moms are, but we accept and watch the content created by these people. It's literally the same, if not worse, because you see it happening in the video."
2. "Consent is EXTREMELY important, and a LOT of people, parents in particular, have this mindset that if your child doesn't show affection to a family member, it's 'disrespectful.' No, if your child doesn't want to hug someone, they don't have to. You're teaching your children NOT to have a voice in the most uncomfortable and scary situations. You're teaching them that if they say 'no,' then they will be punished."
"It's dangerous and needs to stop. If my child doesn't want to hug their relative, I'm not gonna make my child do anything that makes them uncomfortable. I will ensure my child understands they have rights and shouldn't be afraid to say 'no' when something isn't right. My child will learn what consent is."
3. "Clean your plate!!!!!!! My aunt would watch us sometimes, and she had plates with pictures of cartoons on them like Clifford. We had to completely clean our plates until we could see whatever was underneath. This has led to eating disorder battles for generations in my family, as well as obesity. It taught me to not listen to my brain while eating."
—anonymous
4. "The push to enroll kids in test prep classes before they even get to high school is too much. It's a pervasive and growing issue."
5. "It makes me sad when I visit people with kids and you can't even tell a kid lives there. Toys are only in the kid's room, and there are no art projects on the fridge or wall — like they're hiding the kid away. How must that feel to the child?"
—anonymous
6. "People defending their children under any and all circumstances, even if their child was wildly out of line and caused harm. If you don't teach your children accountability, they grow up to become entitled adults who never take any responsibility for anything, and at that point are just a burden to society who causes harm and thinks the world owes them something."
—anonymous
7. "Pawning off the labor of parenting onto your older kids. My life was forced to revolve around my younger brother for years."
8. "Saying, 'You know they're only teasing you because they like you.' Do I really have to tell you how toxic and dangerous that will be for your child down the road? I was told that when I was a child, and only when I got into my late teens/early 20s did I realize how messed up that phrase is. STOP DOING THIS!!!"
"I went off on a mom at my daughter's school once who tried to tell my daughter this. Oh, hell no. Boys who like you treat you with respect. Also, they were in first grade. Maybe we should stop sexualizing children's friendships. My daughter's best friend is a boy. We call him her best friend."
9. "Taking away their social life as punishment. Taking away healthy face-to-face interaction with their peers can seriously harm their development of social skills, especially in this tech-heavy age. This especially isn't okay when it's used as a punishment for something like poor grades. If a kid or teen isn't doing well on tests, sinking into depression because of a lack of social stimuli will not help."
—anonymous
10. "Parents recording and then posting the way they discipline their kids. Don't get me wrong, sharing a hypothetical of 'oh, if my kid did x, I would do x as a consequence/punishment' is fine. But recording them getting in trouble, forcing them to admit what they did to the camera, and then carrying out the punishment for the whole world to see is too far. Kids deserve some privacy, especially as they get older."
11. "Invalidating a child’s feelings just because they're a kid. Yes, they’re small, but they’re still entitled to have feelings, be angry or upset, and have their opinions heard."
12. "I think calling kids 'princess,' 'angel,' 'genius,' and other sorts of names gives them a projected view of themselves and increases entitled attitudes. It's good to encourage them to feel good about themselves, but not in a way that is exaggerated."
—anonymous
13. "Over-scheduling kids doesn't sit well with me. I'm all for kids having an activity of some sort — playing sports or an instrument — but they don't need a class or practice every day. Let them get a little bored and use their imagination to figure out something to do."
14. "There’s a very fine line between 'gentle parenting' and not *actually* parenting your kid. Kids need to experience the consequences of their actions. It’s the only way they learn. Not having consequences means they aren’t going to learn basic safety, appropriate boundaries with other people, or accountability."
15. "I don't like the trend of not saying 'be careful' to your kids. I understand that there's a risk of making your kids overly cautious and scared of the world if you overdo it, but I think that really only applies if you already have a nervous kid. Some kids are daredevils, and while it's probably ideal to say, 'Notice ways in which what you're doing might lead to an injury or have unintended consequences,' 'be careful' is way more succinct and gets the same point across. It's important to teach kids that they are ultimately responsible for their own safety!"
—anonymous
16. "It’s been said before, and I’ll say it again, stop with the goddamn oversharing on social media! You don’t have to whip the phone out and film your child doing everything. Put the phone down, have a genuine interaction, and let your child express their own emotions without fear of judgment. I'm willing to bet most kids who are overexposed on social media now are going to hate our generation for it in years to come."
17. "My parents' standards ended up making my brothers and me unprepared for the world. My father, in particular, wanted to turn us all into Renaissance men, highly skilled at everything. Sadly, we ended up not being particularly good at any one subject, sport, or anything really. We trained and studied everything and never really learned or retained anything. Playing multiple sports caused me to be mediocre at three sports as opposed to being good enough for a scholarship at one."
—anonymous
18. "Faking it in public or when they have company. Many parents expect their kids to behave extremely well when there is company around but discipline them for every little thing in their everyday parenting. They practice gentle parenting when someone is watching and yell at the kids when they're all by themselves. This confuses the hell out of kids."
—anonymous
19. "Letting kids scream their heads off. Yes, it's important to validate their feelings, but purposefully letting your kids scream endlessly for hours is just annoying. At the last place I lived, I had a neighbor with a 6-year-old kid. She'd start screaming at 5 a.m. and not stop until noon. Her parents either ignored her or screamed back at her."
20. "Forcing kids into competitive sports. If that’s what your kid is into, then yes, absolutely sign them up for whatever they are passionate about. But we live in a sports-obsessed area of the Midwest, and we know families where each kid plays two to four sports throughout the year, even though the kids are CLEARLY not enjoying the experience. Worse, a lot of parents seem to do it in order to hang out with their friends whose kids also play sports; they’ll use the games as an excuse to drink and socialize on the sidelines instead of supporting their kids. I see a lot of kids in our area that don’t enjoy it, but their parents sign them up season after season because it 'builds character.'"
21. "My parents taught me to follow my dreams. While it makes for a good movie, most of us can't follow our dreams into a profession. As much as I love basketball, at 5'4" I would never play even in college, much less in the pros. If everyone followed their dreams, there would be no one willing to do the dirty work. Passion is not enough. So many other things have to fall in line first — most of them based on luck."
—anonymous
22. "Cocomelon! Stop sticking kids in front of an iPad with Cocomelon on repeat."
23. And finally, "I think most of the 'trends' or anything that's labeled and then marketed as the 'best way' to parent is probably doing more harm than good! Parenting should change like the seasons. Kids grow and change so fast that what you did yesterday may be harmful today! Don't follow some stranger's advice off the internet, and do what works for your child. It may be harder on you, but that's parenting."
—anonymous
Note: Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.