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Posted on Nov 18, 2016

16 Times "Slumber Party" Made Me Question My Homosexuality

"Slumber Party" has changed me.

On November 17, 2016, I was really fucking gay.

The Blaze

I loved watching Drag Race, throwing fabulous parties, and eating ass. It was great!

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Today that all changed.

Michaeljung / Getty Images

Britney Spears and Tinashe released their "Slumber Party" video, making me question the only thing I've ever known: my homosexuality.

View this video on YouTube

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1. It all started when Britney Spears turned a corner and showed her muscular back.

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And I was like, "Dominate me."

2. Then she gave this stare.

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And I was like, "Penetrate me."

3. This girl-on-girl action.

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Suddenly, I watch lesbian porn.

4. This sexy head-tilt thing.

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I denounce dick.

5. This tender display of faux lesbian love.

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You know what, I never really liked brunch anyway.

6. This boob-touch thing.

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*Quits Grindr* ---> *Gets banned from Christian Mingle*

7. Then Tinashe goes down on Britney.

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And I started wearing socks with sandals.

8. And Tinashe couldn't handle it.

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*Scribbles a drawing of a penis on a bathroom stall*

9. Then Britney vagina-clenches Tinashe.

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*Manspreads*

10. Tinashe is in full-blown bliss.

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Brb, buying cargo shorts.

11. They pussy-pop.

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*Starts wearing snapbacks to the gym*

12. They're on the couches like two beautiful lesbian princesses or something.

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Suddenly I hate the Real Housewives.

13. There's an orgy.

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Now I have a final fantasy football team.

14. Britney licks milk like a damn cat.

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*Argues about cars*

15. Jesus. Christ.

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*Goes to church*

16. Britney and Tinashe, your work here is done.

Sweetie, I am cured!!

Dorsey Shaw

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