1. If you made it through the opening theme song to Unsolved Mysteries...
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2. ...then you still had to deal with Robert Stack's scary-ass voice.
3. But the Unsolved theme song was a straight-up lullaby compared to the Are You Afraid of the Dark ? theme song.
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4. That clown. NOPE. Not today, Satan!
5. Some standouts from Are You Afraid that ruined sleep included the Frozen Ghost...
6. ...the Pool Monster...
7. ...that terrifying girl and her damn locket...
8. ...and, of course, the Ghastly Grinner. ARE YOU SHITTING ME?!
9. The Ghastly Grinner was scary and all, but Zeke the Plumber was NEXT LEVEL.
10. That episode of Rugrats with Angelica's "brother" was also pretty messed up.
11. So was that episode where Tommy turned into an adult baby monster.
12. Home Alone was disguised as an innocent comedy, but that furnace in the basement proved otherwise.
13. Courage the Cowardly Dog was "just a cartoon about a dog" but in reality it was a fucked-up acid trip for 12-year-olds.
14. How was this OK?!
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15. It was just plain cruel.
16. Those illustrations from Scary Stories to Tell in the Dark...
17. ...and Coraline. LIKE WHAT THE TWISTED FUCK?!
18. If I ever look under my bed I think there's going to be a puking Mischa Barton.
19. I'm still scared I am going to walk into the bathroom in the middle of the night and see this:
20. And forget about static on TVs because it's straight-up TRIGGERING. Who has time for a "seven days" phone call and a visit from Samara. No thank you.
21. The Temple Guards were just way too aggressive.
22. Scooby-Doo on Zombie Island was basically some Walking Dead–level shit.
23. These toys keep me up in the middle of the night.
24. I'm still shaking from the Gwendy Dolls attack scene from Small Soldiers.
25. And when I'm all alone I swear I hear, "I bring you...love."
26. This part in The Witches frankly made me PHYSICALLY ILL..
27. The Ghost of Christmas Yet to Come basically gave me Christmas-themed nightmares for years to come.
28. I hate looking down alleyways for fear of seeing that fucked-up slime monster.
29. And lastly, there was nothing scarier than the blue screen of death.
