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    Sep 19, 2018

    60 People Waaaay Better Than Maroon 5 For The Super Bowl Halftime Show

    Take note, NFL.

    In case you haven't heard, Maroon 5 is supposed to play next years' Super Bowl halftime show. So, in lieu of that news, I made a list of people that are just way, way better.

    .@Maroon5 will be the halftime performers at the 2019 Super Bowl, @Variety reports.

    1. Janet Jackson

    2. Britney Spears

    3. Rihanna

    4. Cher

    5. An early 2000s Mandy Moore medley

    6. Zenon: Girl of the 21st Century doing the hits

    7. Khia singing “My Neck, My Back” three times in a row

    8. Solange and Destiny’s Child…BUT they only sing the Proud Family theme song

    9. Wendy Williams doing an extended Hot Topics

    10. Willa Ford singing “I Wanna Be Bad” and explaining how 9/11 ruined her career

    11. 10 minutes of Even Stevens the musical

    View this video on YouTube

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    12. Hoku singing the burrito song

    13. Samantha Mumba

    14. Hilary Duff doing a medley of her Metamorphosis album

    15. Ashlee Simpson lip-syncing

    16. An orchestra doing an oddly soothing rendition of the Unsolved Mysteries theme song

    17. Aly & AJ

    18. Lindsay Lohan dancing

    19. An Ashley Tisdale/Vanessa Hudgens double bill with a cameo from Zac Efron

    20. The guy with the white hair from 98 Degrees

    21. A giant animatronic Salem the cat from Sabrina The Teenage Witch saying bitchy one liners

    22. Spongebob singing “The Winner Takes All"

    23. Enya doing a medley of songs from the “Pure Moods” commercial

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    24. Jewel singing just the hits

    25. Nelly Furtado singing only songs from 2007

    26. Paris Hilton singing just “Stars Are Blind"

    27. Four people from S Club 7

    28. 2/3 of 3LW

    29. Brooke Hogan

    30. Kimberly Locke

    31. A hologram of Miss Cleo doing live readings (RIP)

    32. An Eden’s Crush reunion

    33. The 2001 Josie and the Pussycats

    Universal Pictures

    34. All of the music from Coyote Ugly

    35. 72 gender reveals

    36. 89 promposals

    37. James Corden singing louder than a pop star

    38. Adele (but she has laryngitis)

    39. Tweet (like the singer of “Oops! Oh My”)

    40. A 7th grade chorus singing “Jingle Bells”

    41. A 7th grade chorus singing the Free Credit Report commercial

    42. Ryan Gosling’s band that no one has actually heard before

    43. Just “Naughty Girl” from Mr. G, The Musical

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    44. Judge Judy giving a TED talk about her success

    45. Velcro

    46. Just a bunch of vacuums on stage sucking up something good

    47. A lawnmower going over a stick

    48. A white noise machine

    49. Tubular bells

    50. Nicolas Cage discussing his role in Wicker Man

    51. The "Crazy Bitch" wedding march

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    52. My mom yelling at me to contribute more to my 401K

    53. A drunk 19-year-old girl explaining how she’s worried she’s a bad person

    54. The severe weather alert from your phone going off

    55. A baby crying on an airplane

    56. A European ambulance

    57. Lou Bega singing only new music and not "Mambo No. 5"

    58. The voice in my head telling me I'll never be good enough

    59. The nuns from Sister Act before Whoopi trained them

    Warner Bros.

    60. And, actually, most importantly, Stacie Orrico

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