I did something I probably shouldn't have.
I watched Contagion.
And I'm not the only one.
Do yourself a favor and don’t watch Contagion for the lifetime or so... #CoronavirusOutbreak #coronavirususa #CoronaVirusUpdates
Other people have been watching it and regretting it.
If you don’t believe the #coronavirus is a problem, watch #Contagion it’s basically foretelling you the future...
So, here's why you shouldn't watch it unless you like scaring the shit out of yourself.
Spoilers ahead.
The movie starts with a black screen and my least favorite genre of cough: deep and dry.
And guess whose gross cough it is? Patient zero: Goop herself, Gwyneth Paltrow, and she's munching on some peanuts and coughing all over the place at a Hong Kong airport.
We zoom in. The peanuts she's eating are communal bar peanuts. They're now contaminated.
She hands her credit card to the bartender. Contaminated.
With a tip and a tap the virus is well on its way.
For the next two hours we get gratuitous zoom-ins on everyday objects with our grubby little human hands on them.
An elevator button? Tainted.
This cup of water? The new home to a deadly disease.
This little boy? Bye.
Goop makes it back from Hong Kong to Minneapolis.
Spoiler alert: She dies.
The virus starts spreading rapidly around the world.
Starting to sound familiar?
Coronavirus, anyone?
The Contagion virus and the current coronavirus, COVID-19, are both easily spread from person to person. In both cases, people get flu-like symptoms.
In Contagion, CDC worker Kate Winslet tells us: "[The virus is spread from] doorknobs, elevator buttons, and each other."
Both viruses also originated from animals.
One of the biggest differences between Contagion and the coronavirus is that the Contagion virus killed 25–30% of people who got it. The death rate for the coronavirus is about 2%.
For anyone paying attention, there are many parallels here!!
Back to Contagion. In Contagion the CDC has no idea what's going on.
The World Health Organization doesn't have a clue either.
Their first line of defense is quarantining entire neighborhoods.
...
Garbage is piling up.
The streets are a mess.
People are fighting over food.
Marion Cotillard gets kidnapped.
Matt Damon is just, like, alive and immune for some reason.
Jude Law is a lying asshole.
There's no more Purell.
KATE WINSLET DIES!!
Every worst-case scenario is playing out.
So, after millions of people from around the world die, a vaccine is finally developed.
This woman, a hero, gives herself a vaccine before seeing her sick father.
Her sick father is like, "KEEP YOUR MASK ON." She's like, "No, I'm doing this." It works.
Everyone eventually gets vaccinated, but by then 26 million people have died.
The vaccine is put in some sort of frozen tub alongside H1N1 and SARS...
The world is safe...for now.
Then Matt Damon throws a makeshift prom in his living room for his daughter.
The end.
In conclusion, the scariest movie you can watch right now is Contagion. If you want to scare the shit out of yourself then watch Contagion.
