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    Jun 30, 2017

    34 Songs That Would Have Been Huge Hits But Americans Have No Taste

    Note: I know some of these weren't officially released in the US...but also, let's be real, if they were released they would probably flop anyway because we have bad taste.

    1. "Call My Name" by Cheryl

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    Cheryl gave America a shot and we turned her down. For that, I think I'm gonna vomit.

    2. "Beat of My Drum" by Nicola Roberts

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    Nicola was at the forefront of "ginger rights," something Americans apparently weren't ready for.

    3. "Maybe" by Emma Bunton

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    A gorgeous song by a gorgeous Spice Girl... Imagine being American and not knowing that?

    4. "Push the Button" by the Sugababes

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    I blame the state of Oklahoma for this not being a hit. No real reason, just because...windmills?

    5. "Scandalous" by Mis-Teeq

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    A fun song about the taboo of being "scandalous." Prude-ass America couldn't handle it.

    6. "Lost Without You" by Delta Goodrem

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    I blame toxic masculinity on this one not crossing over. IDK, I just do!

    7. "Hot" by Avril Lavigne

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    This song DID NOT get the international treatment it deserved...but, honestly, it also could be that bad wig.

    8. "Playing With Fire" by BlackPink

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    BlackPink have personally changed my life and they could change the tragic state of American affairs.

    9. "Release Me" by Agnes

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    Abraham Lincoln would have wanted Agnes to succeed.

    10. "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland & David Guetta

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    The Supreme Court should hear a case on Kelly Rowland being relegated to second-tier fame status when she was the best vocalist in Destiny's Child!

    11. "King" by Years & Years

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    *Screams "SHAAAME" outside a rando courthouse*

    12. Kylie's Aphrodite album.

    Parlophone

    This album is Kylie's opus and apparently Americans don't like theater and symphonies.

    13. "Lush Life" by Zara Larsson

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    Have your guns, cronuts (are those even a thing?), and Chainsmokers. I'll take Zara Larsson instead!

    14. Everything made in Sweden, in general

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    But for brevity, we'll just have Robyn as the representative.

    15. "Black Magic" or "Touch" or "Move" or anything by Little Mix

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    BRB, moving to a country where they have good taste and "Touch" didn't flop.

    16. The Saturdays, in general

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    A gorgeous girl group with the bops to back them up. Meanwhile, we have the Cheetah Girls. OK.

    17. "The Fear" by Lily Allen

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    I love a social commentary too blistering for the American public to take!

    18. "Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh)" by Pixie Lott

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    A song so progressive it left Bernie Bros shaking in their boots!

    19. "Sweet Dreams My LA Ex" by Rachel Stevens

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    Iconic for the fact that Britney Spears turned this song down (and because it's a good song).

    20. "Braveheart" by Neon Jungle

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    Michelle Obama could have solved the obesity epidemic with this song. I truly believe that.

    21. "What I Go to School For" by Busted

    Island

    Apparently Busted wasn't emo enough for American taste.

    22. "Ka-Ching!" by Shania Twain

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    "Ka-Ching!," a song about wealth, is something Trump's administration should take notes on.

    23. "The Tide Is High" by Atomic Kitten

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    America acts like it got a big ol' D when it's talking about nuclear weapons, yet it was scared of a few atomic kittens. Sad.

    24. "Murder on the Dancefloor" by Sophie Ellis-Bextor

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    Released almost 20 years ago and still as beautiful as ever. Queen of hyphenated names.

    25. "Remedy" by Little Boots

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    Little Boots deserves better treatment. I'm suing.

    26. "Be the One" by Dua Lipa

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    #JusticeForDuaLipa.

    27. "Super Love" by Dami Im

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    This song cured my depression and anxiety.

    28. "Chantaje" by Shakira feat. Maluma

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    America chose "Despacito" over this song and just, like, fuck that.

    29. "Euphoria" by Loreen

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    Oh yes, Loreen, queen of the darkness. If Saw, the movie, was a hit in the US then there's no reason why Miss Loreen couldn't be either.

    30. "Sweet Talk" by Samantha Jade

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    All of this time I thought Australia and the US were allies? Samantha Jade's lack of success in the States suggests otherwise!

    31. "Only Love Can Hurt Like This" by Paloma Faith

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    Paloma Faith, a vocalist, was shunned by the American public because she probably eats pizza with a fork literally I DON'T KNOW.

    32. "Cola Song" by Inna

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    This probably flopped because some people were pressed it wasn't called "Coca-Cola Song." SMH.

    33. "Eat You Up" by BoA

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    We just weren't worthy of BoA.

    34. And the entire Girls Aloud discography, but specifically "Tangled Up" and "Out of Control"

    Fascination

    Girls Aloud are the greatest girl group in the history of girl groups...and that's that on that!

    And here's the Spotify playlist:

    embed.spotify.com

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