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    Jun 30, 2017

    34 Songs That Would Have Been Huge Hits But Americans Have No Taste

    Note: I know some of these weren't officially released in the US...but also, let's be real, if they were released they would probably flop anyway because we have bad taste.

    1. "Call My Name" by Cheryl

    Cheryl gave America a shot and we turned her down. For that, I think I'm gonna vomit.

    2. "Beat of My Drum" by Nicola Roberts

    Nicola was at the forefront of "ginger rights," something Americans apparently weren't ready for.

    3. "Maybe" by Emma Bunton

    A gorgeous song by a gorgeous Spice Girl... Imagine being American and not knowing that?

    4. "Push the Button" by the Sugababes

    I blame the state of Oklahoma for this not being a hit. No real reason, just because...windmills?

    5. "Scandalous" by Mis-Teeq

    A fun song about the taboo of being "scandalous." Prude-ass America couldn't handle it.

    6. "Lost Without You" by Delta Goodrem

    I blame toxic masculinity on this one not crossing over. IDK, I just do!

    7. "Hot" by Avril Lavigne

    This song DID NOT get the international treatment it deserved...but, honestly, it also could be that bad wig.

    8. "Playing With Fire" by BlackPink

    BlackPink have personally changed my life and they could change the tragic state of American affairs.

    9. "Release Me" by Agnes

    Abraham Lincoln would have wanted Agnes to succeed.

    10. "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland & David Guetta

    The Supreme Court should hear a case on Kelly Rowland being relegated to second-tier fame status when she was the best vocalist in Destiny's Child!

    11. "King" by Years & Years

    *Screams "SHAAAME" outside a rando courthouse*

    12. Kylie's Aphrodite album.


    This album is Kylie's opus and apparently Americans don't like theater and symphonies.

    13. "Lush Life" by Zara Larsson

    Have your guns, cronuts (are those even a thing?), and Chainsmokers. I'll take Zara Larsson instead!

    14. Everything made in Sweden, in general

    But for brevity, we'll just have Robyn as the representative.

    15. "Black Magic" or "Touch" or "Move" or anything by Little Mix

    BRB, moving to a country where they have good taste and "Touch" didn't flop.

    16. The Saturdays, in general

    A gorgeous girl group with the bops to back them up. Meanwhile, we have the Cheetah Girls. OK.

    17. "The Fear" by Lily Allen

    I love a social commentary too blistering for the American public to take!

    18. "Mama Do (Uh Oh, Uh Oh)" by Pixie Lott

    A song so progressive it left Bernie Bros shaking in their boots!

    19. "Sweet Dreams My LA Ex" by Rachel Stevens

    Iconic for the fact that Britney Spears turned this song down (and because it's a good song).

    20. "Braveheart" by Neon Jungle

    Michelle Obama could have solved the obesity epidemic with this song. I truly believe that.

    21. "What I Go to School For" by Busted


    Apparently Busted wasn't emo enough for American taste.

    22. "Ka-Ching!" by Shania Twain

    "Ka-Ching!," a song about wealth, is something Trump's administration should take notes on.

    23. "The Tide Is High" by Atomic Kitten

    America acts like it got a big ol' D when it's talking about nuclear weapons, yet it was scared of a few atomic kittens. Sad.

    24. "Murder on the Dancefloor" by Sophie Ellis-Bextor

    Released almost 20 years ago and still as beautiful as ever. Queen of hyphenated names.

    25. "Remedy" by Little Boots

    Little Boots deserves better treatment. I'm suing.

    26. "Be the One" by Dua Lipa


    27. "Super Love" by Dami Im

    This song cured my depression and anxiety.

    28. "Chantaje" by Shakira feat. Maluma

    America chose "Despacito" over this song and just, like, fuck that.

    29. "Euphoria" by Loreen

    Oh yes, Loreen, queen of the darkness. If Saw, the movie, was a hit in the US then there's no reason why Miss Loreen couldn't be either.

    30. "Sweet Talk" by Samantha Jade

    All of this time I thought Australia and the US were allies? Samantha Jade's lack of success in the States suggests otherwise!

    31. "Only Love Can Hurt Like This" by Paloma Faith

    Paloma Faith, a vocalist, was shunned by the American public because she probably eats pizza with a fork literally I DON'T KNOW.

    32. "Cola Song" by Inna

    This probably flopped because some people were pressed it wasn't called "Coca-Cola Song." SMH.

    33. "Eat You Up" by BoA

    We just weren't worthy of BoA.

    34. And the entire Girls Aloud discography, but specifically "Tangled Up" and "Out of Control"


    Girls Aloud are the greatest girl group in the history of girl groups...and that's that on that!

    And here's the Spotify playlist:

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