1. Step 1: Walk off the plane, take a deep breath…
2. You have arrived.
3. Step 2: Walk past security.
4. Step 3: Greet your fans.
5. So many fans….
6. Step 4: Accept some gifts.
7. Step 5: Throw a little shade.
8. Step 6: Arrive at your first destination.
9. Step 7: Try to avoid stray handshakes.
10. Step 8: Feel awkward.
11. Step 9: Start with some small talk.
12. Step 10: Tell a good story.
13. Make sure you’re really expressive. Cultural boundaries can be difficult.
14. Step 11: Have an important meeting.
15. Step 12: Chat with the Foreign Affairs Minister of Turkey.
16. Step 13: On to your next destination. Bring the men with you.
17. Step 14: Arrive at your next destination.
18. Step 15: Ask the President of Uganda, “how the hell have ya been?!”
19. Step 16: Take the stage. Calm the crowd.
20. Step 17: Give an important speech.
21. Step 18: Kill it.
22. Step 19: On to your next destination. Again, bring the men with you.
23. Step 20: Well lookie here. It’s wine o’clock!
24. Step 21: Make a toast.
25. Step 22: You’re feeling tipsy.
26. And jet-lagged.
27. Step 23: But it’s time for a photo-op. Make sure you stand out (it should be pretty easy).
28. Step 24: It’s finally nighttime. Have the President of Georgia take you sightseeing.
29. Step 25: Tell him how you feel about that building.
30. Step 26: Continue drinking.
31. Red wine.
32. White wine.
33. Step 27: Make a drunk toast.
34. Step 28: Party all night.
35. Step 29: Wake up the morning after. Ride to the airport… hungover.
36. Step 30: Wave goodbye.
- The Army Corps of Engineers and North Dakota police have ordered protesters to leave the Dakota Access Pipeline site by this afternoon or face arrest.
- The ACLU is suing the city of Milwaukee and its police for allegedly performing thousands of illegal stop-and-frisk searches that targeted minorities.
- Immigrants are worried two government memos are laying the groundwork for the deportation force President Trump promised on the campaign trail.
- #Peggygate: West Elm offers full refunds for the notoriously disintegrating Peggy Couch days after pulling it from its website 👏