Why 2016 Was Fucking Awful For Everyone Except Britney Spears
2016 was the best year Britney had in like 10 years.
2016 was just the fucking worst for everyone.
Everyone EXCEPT Britney Spears.
2016 was one of Britney's best.
In 2016, Albert Einstein literally returned from the dead to wish her a happy birthday.
She finally came clean about her wild past.
Her heel toss in that music video converted like a thousand gay men straight*.
As the kind and charitable woman she is, Britney donated her time to mopping a stage floor with her hair...
... and taking a sad & downtrodden woman named "Ellen" shopping.
In 2016, Britney performed in London for the first time in 72 years...
...grabbed G-Eazy's dick...
...and successfully kidnapped her niece.
In 2016, Britney's "Piece Of Me" Vegas show was the best its ever been.
And in her spare time, she Googled corn.
In 2016, Britney walked the red carpet looking like a damn flawless queen.
She took a sip from the fountain of youth and looked like three days over 18.
And was gifted a really, really small taco.
She was voted "best President."
And she literally hung out by pools and oceans all the time because she's rich as hell.
In 2016, Britney turned into a human form of Gumby.
She put a call out for a hot nerd with a really big penis...
...and she got exactly just that!
And came back to life. A miracle!
To wrap it up: All wasn't perfect for Britney in 2016 like that time she went on a date with a lizard.
Britney performed hard as fuck in her first major award show in years...
...did fucking back flips...
...brought back that Britney smile...
...released her best album in YEARS...
...ruled the VMA stage...
...got her literal groove back...
...and inspired us all to be better, stronger people. If there's one good thing about 2016 it's that Britney Spears came out on top.
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