In case you didn't know, last week Britney Spears went on Ellen to announce an announcement. Yes, an announcement of an announcement. The announcement (which we all knew was a new Vegas residency!) was to be made Thursday October 18 in Vegas. The event was live-streamed. This BuzzFeed post is about the actual announcement. 28 minutes and 10 seconds of...I guess you'll have to wait and see.
1.It all started with the first of 792 exterior shots of the Park MGM hotel & casino.
2.We're introduced to our MC, Kalen Allen, and a group of women dressed as Boston Red Sox fans. Who are these people? Does the announcement involve baseball? Why was "Radar" included on two studio albums? All things unknown.
3.Then, approximately seven seconds into the livestream, things went into full-on organized chaos. I am living. I am dying. It's perfect.
4.They cut to this empty street with a single police motorcycle tooting slowly away.
5.The crowd is full of confused gays, vodka soda-less because it's like 6 pm.
6.An anti-bullying advo-gay looks off into the distance, "Here we go again. Get ready for meltdowns."
7.They keep on going back to Kalen. I want to save him.
8.SAVE ME.
9.Kalen is like "This is my song" about every song.
10.He says something like "Also Britney can dance!" as if we had no idea.
11.They cut to cars driving past an Outback Steakhouse.
12.8 minutes have passed, we are all this girl.
13.The gays stand strong.
14.The gays continue to stand in silence pretending to not know each other as gays tend to do.
15.A "parade" begins in front of the Outback Steakhouse.
16.I realize the "parade" is just a truck playing a music video on a dark street.
17.This lady was like "It's been 17 minutes and absolutely nothing has happened, now I want the free bread from Outback."
18.Suddenly every dumb thing I've ever said or done comes rushing through my brain.
19.This gay is going through it, too.
20.Four clothed gogo boys on a van are followed by 50 people waving "B" flags.
21.Then, out of nowhere and for whatever reason, Mario Lopez comes out and introduces the queen of Las Vegas, Britney Spears.
22.But first, a light show.
23.The light show ends with the announcement of the new Britney residency. It looks like "exoneration" and I have to Google what "exoneration" means and figure out why the f*ck Britney called her residency that.
24.And then it happens.
25.Britney Spears rises from the stage.
26.There she is!
27.And there she goes!
28.Going...
29....going...
30.*Pit stop for gay rights*
31.*Love wins, whatever that means*
32....going again...
33.... and gone. Britney walks into an SUV and drives away. A true legend move. Two minutes of pure bliss.
34.The gays were left bewildered + wanting a bloomin' onion...
35....and Kalen was literally trying to dissolve.
That was...that.
Iconic, legendary, amazing. A livestream to remember.
But seriously, this is good news! I can't wait to see what she has in store for her new show! Tickets for Britney: Domination go on sale soon. If you haven't seen Britney in Vegas then what are you even f*cking doing? DO IT.
