16 Tips To Avoid Being Killed The Next Time You Sing Karaoke

Karaoke is dangerous. Read these tips to lower your chance of being assaulted the next time you do it!

1. Never sing Coldplay.

As soon as the man on stage started singing about the stars in his best Chris Martin impersonation, the woman reportedly said: “Oh, no, not that song. I can’t stand that song!”

Witnesses said her distaste for Coldplay quickly took a violent turn, and she leaped at the would-be crooner, shouting expletives and telling him that his singing “sucked,” while expressing the same opinion of the song, according to a Seattle police report.

2. Don’t get so worked up if someone sings your song.

“Apparently, it was karaoke night. One of the gentleman, as soon as he stepped off the stage, someone didn’t agree with the song or the music or something, and there was an altercation inside the restaurant,” said J.J. Wilson with HPD Homicide.

3. It’s never a good idea to take your clothes off at Applebees, especially while karaoke-ing.

“He was intoxicated. It was karaoke night and he became very involved with his performance,” said Melbourne police Sgt. Byron Barnes. “He took his clothes off as he sang to the audience.”

4. Don’t be so hard on yourself.

Isiah Johnson, 20, was singing karaoke at Cabana Jack’s “when people started booing at him,” a bartender told cops. In response to the razzing, Johnson “threw down the microphone,” according to a Sandusky Police Department report.

5. Be nice to old people.

The assault occurred during one of the bar’s weekly karaoke nights. Officials say Collen complained about the man’s singing, then began punching him before several patrons stepped in to stop the assault.

6. Keep your feelings to yourself!

Two of the defendants are brothers who were celebrating their birthdays, court papers say.

One victim said the attackers were singing a karaoke song and shouting insults at another man. The victim said he tried to intervene and one defendant punched him in the eye and threw a beer mug at another man.

7. Never use your karaoke machine in the hallway of a hotel.

Dispatchers reported officers were called at 7:32 a.m. to the Regency Inn & Suites, 3802 S.W. Topeka Blvd., where a desk worker had reported a man set an “amped-up karaoke machine” on the floor outside Room 718, proceeded to serenade the hallway and refused repeated requests to stop.

8. Be fair when deciding which song to pick. If your song isn’t picked, do it next time!

Salt Lake City police said the two men — 33 and 23 — were at a family party near 1900 West and Gander Lane (1790 North) when they began to argue about which song they wanted to perform.

The 23-year-old found a large kitchen knife and stabbed it into the 33-year-old’s upper-right chest. The attacker then drove off in a white Honda, police said.

9. No bombs allowed.

10. A karaoke duet is just a karaoke duet.

“I tried to kill him,” she told police. “Because I hate him.”

Her ex testified in court that his ex “mad and upset” because he’d sung a karaoke duet with another woman at a party in the trailer park earlier in the day.

11. Don’t karaoke the night before your big court date.

When the judge asked about what he did the night before, Matthew Hambach replied with a one-word reply that said it all. “Karaoke,” he muttered, as several individuals in the courtroom snickered under their breath.

12. Avoid John Denver songs in Thailand.

A neighbour said that the karaoke group normally sang Thai pop and southern Thai ballads, but one particular western tune could be heard often - John Denver’s ‘Country Roads’.

13. And whatever you do, NEVER sing Frank Sinatra’s “My Way”.

The authorities do not know exactly how many people have been killed warbling “My Way” in karaoke bars over the years in the Philippines, or how many fatal fights it has fueled. But the news media have recorded at least half a dozen victims in the past decade and includes them in a subcategory of crime dubbed the “My Way Killings.”

14. Family is family. Stick together!

An arrest warrant revealed that Oller Sr told his son words to the effect ‘I’m going to shut you up’ before grabbing a semi automatic handgun.

When his son followed his father outside the pair grappled and he was shot multiple times.

15. Don’t hog the microphone!

Abdul Sani Doli refused to hand over the microphone at a coffee shop that doubles as a karaoke bar in the town of Sandakan, Borneo. Two men have been arrested on suspicion of murder after the altercation erupted a few minutes before midnight.

16. Never try to hit that note.

29-year-old Romy Baligula was halfway through his song when security guard Robilito Ortega, 43, yelled that he was off-key.

Baligula ignored his comments and continued singing, upon which Ortega pulled out a .38 caliber pistol and shot the singer in the chest.

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