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72 Things That Are Definitely Better Than Oprah's 72 Favorite Things

Oprah released her list of 72 of her favorite things from 2014. This is our list. It's better.

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Matt Stopera
Matt Stopera
BuzzFeed Staff
Dave Stopera
Dave Stopera
BuzzFeed Staff

If you didn't already know, Oprah still releases a list of her most absolute favorite things. As usual, it's mostly overpriced shit you can never afford. So, here's an alternative of real useful shit.

1. A Danny Devito stamp: $25

2. A little chair for a squirrel: $11.95

3. A Nicolas Cage pillowcase: $10.95

Via amazon.com

4. Three mini key chain–sized bottles of Sriracha: $15

5. A personalized video of a guy riding a bull and dancing to "Gangnam Style": $5

6. A personalized video of this guy rubbing ketchup and mustard on his fat belly and singing "Happy Birthday" in his underwear: $5

7. A grappling hook: $17.58

8. An itty-bitty sad Keanu: $24.95

9. A blowgun with darts: $13.95

10. A portable Altoids speaker: $30

11. A paper towel holder with four USB ports: $49.95

12. A video of a Brit fellow singing "Happy Birthday" to you in a thong: $5

13. Tissues that look like $100 bills: $4.50

14. A tie with a hidden flask: $24.99

15. Salt made from human tears: ~$52

16. An Oreo dipping spoon: $3.99

17. A Nintendo controller charging station: $32

18. A pillow shaped like an arm: $28.85

19. A shotgun that shoots salt water at flies, killing them instantly: $39.95

20. A big ol' digeridoo: $29.99

View this video on YouTube

21. A goatee-shaving guide: $19.99

22. Handles that let you carry all of your groceries in at once: $9.99

23. A Ben & Jerry's pint lock: $24.99

24. A shit list: $9.99

25. This fine art photograph of a Chihuahua on a chair wrapped in a blanket: $20

26. A shot spinner: $8.65

27. A bowl with feet: $28

28. A self-stirring mug: $4.95

29. A pizza cone maker: $21.99

30. A Saint Ryan Gosling prayer candle: $9.99

31. A video of a rapping puppet that will deliver any message to you: $5

32. Pencils that say "Even artichokes have hearts": $4.00

33. Authentic Roswell UFO Crash Site Soil: $12.95

amazon.com

34. Swedish Fish soap: $6

35. A tiny crown pin: $10

36. A bag of dicks: $17

37. This Lego clock: $32.55

38. Teeth for your dog: $14.99

39. A message from hell: $5

40. A sloth climbing the Empire State Building shower curtain: $39.99

41. The “Pouring Made E-Z” pan attachment: $5.50

42. A speech from a person who will sexily motivate and threaten you with weapons: $5

43. A thing that turns your bathtub into a waterfall: $12.75

44. A video of a guy who will say anything you want while ironing in an HD video: $5

45. A rainbow night-light for your room: $47

46. A pouring guide: $54

47. A campfire panini maker: $25.99

48. A remote control snack holder: $54.99

49. Little dots that help you find things with your iPhone: $52.99

50. Edible gold spray paint: $12.99

51. Lazy glasses: $15

52. Lego men ice tray: $11.79

53. A fondue mug: $15

54. A fork that vibrates when you overeat: ~$50

55. A smartphone projector: $27

56. A person who will cast a spell for you: $5

57. A person who will be your girlfriend on Facebook for one week: $5

58. A guy who will do your math homework: $5

59. A person who will write your wedding vows for you: $5

60. The Veggetti (it turns any vegetable into spaghetti): $14.95

61. A remote control TV wand: $89.98

62. A horse-head squirrel feeder: $15

63. A pillow with a built-in speaker: $28.49

64. A shark with a frickin' laser beam: $20.59

65. Peanut butter maker: $79.18

66. An emotional Drake necklace: $10

67. Scented duct tape: $7.40

68. A leaning bookend: $12.82

69. A money-eating face bank: $14.95

70. A zamboni desk vacuum: $14.94

71. A hamper shaped like a laundry machine: $27.99

72. A Britney Spears throw pillow: $17.84

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