Hello, fellow Americans! We all love our country — rah-rah, go Cowboys, apple pie, etc. — but if we're being honest, a lot of things aren't all that great here. Being an American right now is sort of like being a fan of The Office the last couple seasons...you want to still believe in it, but Michael Scott is gone, James Spader is there for some reason, and Jim and Pam aren't much fun anymore.
But you know what? Since it is OUR country, we're allowed to call out our issues and laugh/cry at them in a "it's funny and sad" kind of way. It's kind of like that thing where you can call your little brother a lazy, annoying punk, but if anyone outside your family says the same thing, well, them's fighting words.
So, to be clear, this post is just for Americans. If you're from one of those countries with free healthcare or...what is it called again? Oh yeah, paid parental leave...well, you gotta get outta here! This isn't for you!
Only Americans left? OK, good. Here are a bunch of hilariously sad jokes about our lot right now:
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This is what we have instead of insulin and debt-free college. https://t.co/2TEoLeR3r0
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The bank says I can’t afford a $950 mortgage so I pay $1400 a month in rent instead.
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Nobody wants to work.🙄
HOLD UP!
WAIT!
THERE'S A FRENCH DUDE READING THIS! I SEE YOU PIERRE OR WHATEVER YOUR NAME IS! CLICK OUT OF THIS POST, MAN! IT'S NOT FOR YOU!
OK, I think he left. Let's continue, shall we?
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The silver lining to #coronavirus is that the US will fundamentally reassess its broken healthcare system. Much the same way that Sandy Hook drove the US to really tackle gun control and how the fiascos in Iraq & Afghanistan caused a rethink of the military industrial complex.
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I bet if Texas renamed their power grid to uterus, the state would be regulating the shit out of it.
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The single star on Texas' flag is actually a review.
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2016: FUCK YOUR FEELINGS 2017: YOU LOST GET OVER IT 2018: DRINKING UR LIBERAL TEARS 2019: FOUR MORE YEARS BITCHES 2020: WATER THE TREE OF LIBERTY Jan 6 2021: OVERTURN THIS ELECTION Jan 7 2021: this is a time for unity and healing not finger-pointing https://t.co/j5oKeacmIz
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I'm glad the USA is commemorating thanksgiving the traditional way, needlessly killing thousands of people by exposing them to a disease
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Adult: go to college so you can get an education and change the world! 4 years later: Student: science says if we dont use alternative energy and less plastic we'll all be dead in 80 years Adult: wow u think ur so smart college sure did turn u into a libtard
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“We’re returning to the office because our culture is so important” The culture:
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That's bc rent is $1500 & jobs paying $12 an hour https://t.co/tysIRA1nZ2
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The US should invade itself to bring democracy to the US
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Spain legalized weed and starting 32 hour work weeks. The “American dream” is now to move out the country lol
Yay, America!!!
WAIT A MINUTE...
I DON'T BELIEVE THIS...
IS THAT FRENCH DUDE STILL HERE?
