17 "Do Not Want!" Dating Stories That Will Make You Delete Tinder
How was the date? Not great, Bob!
Well, readers chimed in with their own nightmare dating experiences in the comments, and they're too good (or is that too bad?) not to share:
1. "I was on a date with a girl when someone else asked her to prom...and she said yes."
2. "My date and I were on our way to a movie when the dude said, 'You’re so hot, I can’t get rid of this boner — think you could help me out before we get there?' Uh, no thanks."
3. "I went on a movie date with this guy who chewed tobacco through the whole movie. He drove me home, and while still chewing, leaned in to try to make out. I high-fived him and bolted from that car so fast!"
4. "I went on a Bumble date and the first thing the guy says is, 'I took a nap before our date and didn’t have time to shower.' Our date was at 4 p.m. AND he went to the gym beforehand. There was not a second date."
5. "I was on a second date with a guy which ended up being our second 'spend the night' date. The next morning, he drove me to work, and on the way I asked him if this was anything serious. He completely ignored my question and didn’t say anything on the rest of the drive."
6. "My date and I were talking about self-defense when I said, 'I usually have a knife on me, mostly out of habit from working on a ranch.' He stood up, said, 'I have to go now' and walked out the door. I followed him, thinking he was being funny, when he turned and said, 'I hope you got what you wanted from this,' got in his car, and left. I still have no idea what he meant."
7. "Once, while in law school, I went on a date with a guy who did not know what a jury was. I did not text him again after the date. A few weeks later, he sent me a YouTube video of himself playing the guitar."
8. "We didn’t even make it to a first date. This guy and I had been texting for a few days when he told me that he was scared of squirrels. I thought he was joking, so I sent him pictures of the squirrels outside my place. Nope. Deathly afraid of them."
9. "The first year I lived in China I was set up on a blind date with an older man who was a widower. His sister and her husband, plus the man's late wife's sister and her husband also came on the date and stared at me through the whole meal."
10. "I was walking around the mall with a date and I had on some tight shorts. I bent down to look at something on a bottom shelf when my shorts constricted my stomach and I accidentally let out a huge fart right in front of him! I stood up, extremely embarrassed (and seriously regretting the burrito I had for lunch) and he told me there was a hole in my shorts."
11. "I went on a first date with a guy to a pool hall. He left in the middle of the date because he was mad that I wasn't good enough at playing pool."
12. "On my first and only real date, the restaurant we were going to had revolving doors, and I jumped in, excited. Well, I didn’t know he'd slid into the part with me, and I smacked his head against the back of the glass."
13. "At the end of a date, we stood facing each other in silence with me waiting for a kiss. A whole minute passed — a long time to be staring at each other awkwardly in silence — before I went to lean in myself and he broke the news he wanted to just stay friends. I wanted to jump into traffic I was so embarrassed."
14. "On a date at a restaurant, I slipped and REALLY ripped open my knee. Dude drove me to the ER, dropped me off, and then left. AsshoIe. I then had to call someone to come and get me because my car was at the restaurant. We did not go out or speak again. And I got six stitches."
15. "My great aunt set me up with her phlebotomist (she was homebound and he came to the house to do all her blood work). We met up for drinks and he spent the entire time telling me about his karaoke squad and his childhood alien abduction encounter."
"I think the waitress picked up on the awkward vibes and pretty quickly brought the check. I never let my family play matchmaker again."
16. "On a first date, the guy got DRUNK and dropped food on his pants. He was too drunk to drive home at the end of the night, so I set him up to sleep on the couch, then threw his pants in the wash and then the dryer. He left early, like 5 a.m., then called me to complain his pants weren’t completely dry....this is why I don’t date often."
But as bad as dates can be, sometimes even the worst ones work out:
17. "I shit my pants in a Bath and Body Works on a date. We'd gotten food before going to the mall and it made me sick. We're celebrating our eighth wedding anniversary on Monday."
Some submissions have been edited for length and/or clarity.