Parents

26 Weird Things Kids Have Asked Mall Santas For

The people of Reddit asked mall Santas to share their biggest WTF moments.

1. “A remote control buffalo”

TONY KARUMBA/AFP / Getty Images

Some kid’s dreams are very specific.

2. “A new liver”

20th Century Fox

The boy who asked for this was healthy, but wanted a liver to “play with and stuff.”

3. “To destroy all Backstreet Boys CDs”

Jive Records

Santa: “Tell me why?”

4. “A unicorn that poops rainbows”

To be fair, if you’re going to ask for a mythical creature you might as well ask for one that poops rainbows.

5. “Plutonium”

Universal Pictures

Was this kid building a time machine in the backyard?

6. “A ‘penis’ book”

United Feature Syndicate

This request came from a little guy who had trouble pronouncing “Peanuts.”

7. “A fax machine”

Granted, the kid asked for this in 1989, but it’s still weird.

8. “Lasagna”

Film Roman/Paws, Inc.

Actually, I’m totally onboard with this one.

9. “Nicole Scherzinger”

Joel Ryan/Invision / AP

This kid’s dad was like, “Good one!”

10. “A live octopus or shark”

Flickr: ddfic / Via Creative Commons

This kid added that, in lieu of an octopus or shark, he’d settle for a giant squid.

11. “To change my name to Batman”

Warner Bros.

This kid’s teacher after Christmas: “Yes, Batman, you may go to the bathroom.”

12. “An 8-Track Player”

Flickr: rufflife / Via Creative Commons

The cool kids listen to vinyl, but the really cool kids listen to 8-track. (Not really.)

13. “A gallon jar of pickles”

Flickr: grongar / Via Creative Commons

Um, okay.

14. “A live penguin and polar bear”

Twentieth Century Fox

This kid told Santa she was planning on keeping them in her backyard.

15. “A box of condoms”

Flickr: dno1967b / Via Creative Commons

This request came from a little boy of 8 or 9 whose mom wouldn’t buy him a box. Mooom!!!!

16. “A flying pony”

Disney

Whatever happened to just asking for a regular pony?

17. “A penis”

This came from a five-year-old girl who wanted to be able to pee standing up.

18. “A lifetime supply of peanut butter so my dog will lick my face forever”

This kid should probably play less with the dog, and more with other kids.

19. “A live cobra”

takeo1775/takeo1775

Santa: “I have had it with these motherfucking snakes on this motherfucking sleigh!”

20. “A Nordstrom’s gift card”

Nordstrom

This one came from a very sophisticated 7-year-old.

21. “To know how elves reproduce”

New Line Cinema

Well, when one elf really loves another elf…

22. “Wots of fucks”

Flickr: joanet / Via Creative Commons

The mall Santa who heard this one eventually realized the kid was saying, “Lots of trucks.”

23. “For the neighbor lady to stop coming over when my mom is at work”

AMC

Awkward.

24. “A gumball machine filled with avocados”

Flickr: barron / Via Creative Commons

Don’t eat the cookies at this house, Santa.

25. “Boobs like mommy”

Columbia Pictures

Santa probably can’t come through on this one this year, but if you just wait…

26. “To have some hair down there”

Dreamworks Television

Ditto on this one, kid.

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