26 Family Secrets That Will Leave You Slack-Jawed
Your family will feel positively boring after reading this.
1. "My grandmother married my mom's ex-boyfriend."
2. "My aunt had an affair with a PRIEST and got pregnant from it."
3. "I thought my stepfather had been awarded custody of me and my half brother in 1990. I found out in 2015 he actually kidnapped us."
4. "My great-grandmother raised my grandfather as her own — a generous deed after having pushed his ACTUAL mother out a window, killing her."
5. "When I was in high school my parents went on a trip to the Bahamas. One night I went to borrow my mom's leather jacket, and while I was in her closet I found travel brochures for my parents' trip. It turns out they were on a swingers cruise!"
6. "When my uncle died we discovered he had a second wife that he was legally married to and spent most of his time with."
7. "My mother's paternal family was full of actual Satanists."
8. "My dad's real father left when he was young, and until a year ago we didn't even know his name. When we finally found out we looked him up online and saw he's one of the heads of the Polish mafia and wanted for 70+ murders."
9. "My great-great — I have no idea how many 'greats' — grandfather is rumored to have had a homosexual relationship with Abraham Lincoln."
10. "A few years ago we found out my father has a mistress and a love child."
11. "According to my father, the Astor family stole the fur/riches from our family hundreds of years ago, and thus earned the fame/money of being the most prominent fur-trading family at the time."
12. "When my grandmother was 12 she was kidnapped for two days. She was later returned, and everyone pretended like nothing had happened, including her mother."
13. "My dad's parents are cousins."
14. "My great-great-grandmother was widowed eight times. That's a lot of husbands to bury. She managed to amass a considerable amount of wealth from her 'misfortunes.'"
15. "My husband's grandmother was a Jewish teenager during WWII and was placed into a concentration camp."
16. "My dad created a Ponzi scheme of sorts by claiming he created an invention that turned water into energy. He defrauded hundreds, if not thousands, of people out of their money."
17. "My great-great-great-grandmother met Jesse James while he was robbing a train and he kissed her."
18. "My real mom died of a heroin overdose after she gave birth to me. My dad got remarried to my stepmother and told me she was my real mom."
19. "My great-great-grandfather was a murderer in Lancashire, England, and as such was wanted by the authorities. So he fled to Yorkshire and changed his name."
20. "My uncle killed a fellow soldier while in Vietnam."
21. "When my father died I found his birth certificate — which listed someone other than my grandfather. I can't bring myself to talk about it with my grandmother."
22. "My great-grandfather was in the KKK. They found his robes after he died. No one knew until he passed away."
23. "When I was younger I was searching through my parents' drawers and found a reindeer thong that played 'Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.' My mother walked in on me playing with it and was mortified."
24. "When my great uncle was 18, he did a long stretch of jail time. His parents (my great-grandparents) told the entire family that he joined the Navy. No one found out until decades later."
25. "I finally met my favorite aunt's son at my grandpa's funeral and he was very charming and polite. I later found out he was a con artist."
26. And this last one is a little long but — whoa — wait until you get to the end.
Responses have been edited for length and clarity.