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26 Family Secrets That Will Leave You Slack-Jawed

Your family will feel positively boring after reading this.

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2. "My aunt had an affair with a PRIEST and got pregnant from it."

United Artist

"She lied and said the child was her husband's and no one ever knew it wasn't his except for me and my mum. The kid is now 15 and has met the priest once or twice, but doesn't know he's his father."



3. "I thought my stepfather had been awarded custody of me and my half brother in 1990. I found out in 2015 he actually kidnapped us."


"He died in 2005 when I was 24, so he was never punished and we never understood what truly happened to us. My biological mom had been trying to find us for the first five to six years. We finally got in contact with her."


5. "When I was in high school my parents went on a trip to the Bahamas. One night I went to borrow my mom's leather jacket, and while I was in her closet I found travel brochures for my parents' trip. It turns out they were on a swingers cruise!"

6. "When my uncle died we discovered he had a second wife that he was legally married to and spent most of his time with."


"Literally no one on either side knew about the bigamy for over 25 years. He also purchased the same prefab house, same furniture, same everything for each of his wives so their houses mirrored each other (and probably helped him to keep his story straight)."



7. "My mother's paternal family was full of actual Satanists."

Universal Pictures

"They were even investigated a few years ago by the state of Kansas because some evidence — possibly linking them to human sacrifices — was unearthed on the old farm where they used to live. But nothing conclusive was found, apparently. A few of them are now dead, and those that aren't are lying low."

—Roni Johnson, Facebook

8. "My dad's real father left when he was young, and until a year ago we didn't even know his name. When we finally found out we looked him up online and saw he's one of the heads of the Polish mafia and wanted for 70+ murders."

10. "A few years ago we found out my father has a mistress and a love child."


"Recently he confessed that the child isn't the only one he's had outside of his marriage to my mother. Altogether he has five other children, and two of them are close family friends. I went from two siblings to seven in a week."



11. "According to my father, the Astor family stole the fur/riches from our family hundreds of years ago, and thus earned the fame/money of being the most prominent fur-trading family at the time."


"It's crazy to think that if they hadn't stolen what they did, it could be my family's name on the Astor Place subway stop and the Waldorf-Astoria hotel! In the meantime, I will be sitting here with my 59 cent ramen noodles."


12. "When my grandmother was 12 she was kidnapped for two days. She was later returned, and everyone pretended like nothing had happened, including her mother."


"To this day, she will not talk about it and we're not allowed to bring it up to anyone or tell other members of my family."



15. "My husband's grandmother was a Jewish teenager during WWII and was placed into a concentration camp."


"During this time, a Nazi guard ended up falling in love with her and would bring her extra food, clothing, etc. and continued to protect her to keep her alive. When the war was over, she came to the U.S. and started a new life. She only revealed this secret to her family days before she passed away."


16. "My dad created a Ponzi scheme of sorts by claiming he created an invention that turned water into energy. He defrauded hundreds, if not thousands, of people out of their money."

"We were literally rich overnight and no one in my little town knew how or why. When my dad went to prison we believed it was a mistake for a long time, but a few months ago my mom admitted he served time in a federal prison for a similar crime before I was born."

—Dallas Brady, Facebook


19. "My great-great-grandfather was a murderer in Lancashire, England, and as such was wanted by the authorities. So he fled to Yorkshire and changed his name."

Warner Bros.

"We are still here as a big family living in Yorkshire with the same 'new' name."


20. "My uncle killed a fellow soldier while in Vietnam."


"He was strung out and paranoid while on watch, and when he was spooked by the soldier who came to replace him, my uncle stabbed him to death. He served a few years in military prison. I'm fairly certain my aunts and uncles (his brothers and sisters) know but none of us kids were ever supposed to find out.

"I love my uncle very much. He's retired now and spends a decent portion of his time volunteering to help other veterans. Finding this out didn't change my opinion of him at all, it just helped me understand the horrors those poor soldiers had to go through in that war that warped their minds forever."



23. "When I was younger I was searching through my parents' drawers and found a reindeer thong that played 'Rudolf the Red-Nosed Reindeer.' My mother walked in on me playing with it and was mortified."


"Years later, I brought it up to my mom and she informed me that it was my father's. I've been estranged from my father since I was 14 (for other reasons), so the only real personal fact I know about him is that he enjoyed wearing musical thongs."


25. "I finally met my favorite aunt's son at my grandpa's funeral and he was very charming and polite. I later found out he was a con artist."


"One night while watching the news we saw his name and face on the screen. Apparently he stole millions of dollars from Eddie Murphy's ex-wife."


26. And this last one is a little long but — whoa — wait until you get to the end.


"My great-great-grandmother (let's call her GG) was on her deathbed when the doctor asked my grandma how many children GG had given birth to. My grandma — knowing GG had a stillborn baby and then my great-grandfather — said, 'Two.' My grandmother's aunt, who was also in the room, shook her head and said, "No, sir, she had just one." My grandma, thinking her aunt must have forgotten the stillborn, said, "It's two, because she had a stillborn and then my dad.'

"That's when my grandmother's aunt pulled her out of the room and explained the truth...

"GG apparently gave birth to a baby who didn't survive, but wasn't going to leave the hospital without a baby. So she decided the best course of action was to...steal a baby. Nobody knows how she got away with it — or how she got her fingers on a legal birth certificate — but my great-grandfather was a stolen baby."

—Autumn Ocoyne, Facebook

Responses have been edited for length and clarity.

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