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18 Really Messed-Up Things Assholes Said At Family Thanksgivings

It's the old people you need to look out for the most.

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We asked members of the BuzzFeed Community to share the most messed-up thing someone said at their family Thanksgiving, and — damn — the results were something else:

1. "My grandpa told us that he bought Viagra once 'just to try it.' The worst part was he said he had to 'pole vault out of bed.' I could have gone my entire life without hearing that."

—allym44520f399

2. “I had recently come out to my 95-year-old grandma, who doesn't quite get being gay. After a few drinks she asked everyone at the table, ‘But how do they do it? Do they take it up the ass?’”

Comedy Central

3. “My mom was raving about how Starbucks now serves almond milk when my sister’s boyfriend — who we were meeting for the first time — looked my mom in the eye and said, ‘You wanna know my favorite kind of milk? Breast milk.’”

—marleep4eabc3571

4. "It was the first Thanksgiving after my mom passed away, and during the toast we went around saying nice things about her and how we wished she could still be there with us. My see-you-next-Tuesday of a grandmother rolled her eyes and said 'UGH, we’re really still hung up on this?!'”

5. “One Thanksgiving my great-grandpa told my cousin and me that we should get boob jobs and become prostitutes in Vegas.”

—theeleventeenthdandelion
The Weinstein Co.

6. “I’ve been using your photos to catfish guys!”

Warner Bros.

"I was at my ex's family's and her family got really drunk. My ex's aunt admitted that for the last two years she’d been using my ex's pictures to catfish guys. Her aunt weighed probably 300 plus and was super gross. Needless to say, it got very awkward and we left shortly after."

maxp48dc55135

7. "I’m a straight-A student, and my aunt gave me a lecture on why I should aim to get bad grades. Her reasons included ‘It would make me more attractive to guys,’ ‘Smart girls are an abomination,’ and ‘Studying makes girls have hysteria.’”

8. “My mom said, ‘I think it would be nice if we took turns saying what we’re thankful for this year.’ My grandpa snapped back, ‘I think it would be nice if you shut the fuck up and let us eat in peace.’”

—allieg4c642c77b

9. “My mom was getting a divorce and my religious grandmother was giving her grief. My mom finally yelled, ‘What do you care? You're gonna die soon anyway!’”

10. “My grandfather kept asking the Amazon Alexa 'Who's your daddy?' throughout dinner.”

—cassadayyy
Fox

11. “When my cousin arrived, my grandmother said, ‘My prettiest granddaughter!’ We were at my sister's house and I was sitting on the other end of the couch!”

—msverde78
NBC

12. “‘Wow, I think this is the fattest you’ve ever been!’ —my mom, addressing me at the dinner table surrounded by 15 family members.”

Comedy Central

13. “Mid-chew, my uncle looks at me and goes, 'You need a nose job.'”

Bravo

14. “'Happy Fucking Thanksgiving!' my uncle said after he passed out drunk in his mashed potatoes and woke up to everyone laughing at him.”

—courtc494813401
ESPN

15. “My grandfather put his hand on my new boyfriend’s shoulder and said, ‘White people eat first.’ I have never been more embarrassed or angry. Thankfully, he thought it was a joke and we’re married now. My husband is Brazilian.”

Fox Searchlight

16. “My (very opinionated) grandmother walked into my parents' living room and announced, 'That rug is an abortion!' My dad said, 'Mom, don't you mean abomination?' She said, 'No, I know what I said. It's an abortion!'”

—zandra6483
NBC

17. “'Just because you're a Democrat doesn't mean we'll kick you out of the family, haha. Unless you're gay, then we might just have to!' As a closeted lesbian, that wasn't the most fun thing to hear.”

NBC

18. “When I was eight months pregnant with my first child my mother-in-law told me I should have kept my legs closed.”

—amandaj4006a8960

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Some answers have been condensed for length and clarity.

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