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    100 Of The Best "Harry Potter" Jokes To Ever Exist

    Accio jokes!

    If you proudly rep your Hogwarts House and always wished you could cast your own spells, chances are you're a diehard Harry Potter fan.

    For us Muggles, the magic of Harry Potter is as enchanting as the memes and jokes that were inspired by the film.

    We've rounded up some of the best ones that'll make every HP fan crack a smile. Check them out below:

    1. "Why can't Harry tell the difference between a cooking pot and his best friend? Because they're both cauldron."

    u/Butterflylvr1

    2. "What type of drink does Snape hate the most? Jameson."

    3. "So, Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix. I guess that's when the books started getting...dead Sirius."

    u/Sasstiel

    4. "How do the Malfoys enter a building? They Slytherin."

    u/glowintoyou

    5.

    6. "Why isn't Snape a Herbology teacher? He can't keep Lilys alive."

    u/Emmalinebc

    7. "Why is Mad-Eye Moody such a bad teacher? Because he can’t control his pupils."

    u/Ashleeeeh_

    8. "One day Lupin decides to come clean with Harry. He sits him down and tells him 'Harry, I'm a werewolf'. Harry jumps up and starts shouting, 'WHAT!? ARE YOU FUCKING SERIOUS!?' Lupin sighs, hangs his head and mumbles, 'Ah yes, that too.'"

    u/LolaTrixie

    9.

    Twitter: @TheDailyHPotter

    10. "What fuel does Harry Potter put in his car? Expecto Petrolium!"

    @Grargemeister

    11. "Voldemort's parents took the 'I got your nose' game a bit too seriously."

    u/mq999

    12.

    Dad joke to start your week: What’s Harry Potter’s favorite way to go down a hill? Walking! Jk Rolling

    Twitter: @Alain_Mower

    13. "How does Harry Potter get rid of a rash? With quit-itch."

    @TheHPfacts

    14. "How do you get a mythical creature into your house? Through the Gryffindor!"

    u/Blade_Omega

    15. "Why did Barty Crouch Jr. quit drinking? Because it was making him Moody."

    u/Sylren

    16.

    @slug-repellent / Via slug-repellent.tumblr.com

    17. "What do you call an electrocuted Dark Lord? A Volt-demort."

    @pinchingbumms7

    18. "What do you call the entrance to a magical gym? A dumbbell door."

    @CaptGGstache

    19.

    Warner Bros. Pictures / Twitter: @gayrauder

    20. "Why did Harry Potter get pulled over for speeding? Because he didn't expect-no-patrol-man."

    u/aWildPig

    21. "What did Voldemort tell Wormtail when they went bowling? Kill the spare."

    u/lawlesskenny

    22.

    Nickelodeon / @wizards / Via wizards.tumblr.com

    23. "Why did Snape stand in the middle of the road? So you'll never know which side he's on."

    u/grey_sun

    24.

    25. "Where did Dumbledore keep his army? Up his sleevey."

    u/LukeSA

    26.

    27. "One a scale of one to ten, how obsessed with Harry Potter are you? About nine and three quarters."

    u/anonymous

    28.

    @siriddle / Via siriddle.tumblr.com

    29. "Lily and James Potter are having a heated debate. He says 'Are you fucking serious?' She replies, 'No. I am fucking SEVERUS!'"

    u/ntoxiktednxcited

    30.

    Draco Malfoy preparing himself to say ‘Potter’ in all the ‘Harry Potter’ movies

    Twitter: @Caviarparadigm

    31.

    @da-pun-master / Via da-pun-master.tumblr.com

    32.

    @0jikke0 / Via 0jikke0.tumblr.com

    33.

    34.

    35.

    36.

    Warner Bros. Pictures / @my-h0me-is-h0gwarts / Via my-h0me-is-h0gwarts.tumblr.com

    37.

    38.

    malcolmcooks/Tumblr / Via malcolmcooks.tumblr.com

    39.

    Warner Bros. Pictures / @kindagigi-blog / Via kindagigi-blog.tumblr.com

    40.

    people say the worst part of harry potter is the really long bit of them camping in the woods but actually it's when Hagrid explains there are 29 knuts to a sickle and 17 sickles to a galleon. just an absurd currency system. complete dogshit

    Mesut_Ausil/ Twitter / Via Twitter: @Mesut_Ausil

    41.

    i don’t get how people can say harry potter is fake. like just watch the movies they literally caught everything on film

    CaucasianJames/ Twitter / Via Twitter: @CaucasianJames

    42.

    Death Eater: why don’t you just go and kill Harry Potter now? Voldemort: before …before the end of the school year? wtf?

    AbbieEvansXO/Twitter / Via Twitter: @AbbieEvansXO

    43.

    albus dumbledore adding some points in the last minute for gryffindor because harry potter just breathed https://t.co/upuPkc0LnC

    gayrauder/Twitter / Via Twitter: @gayrauder

    44.

    why does harry potter need glasses. there’s no spell to fix his eyes? I don’t care btw

    DylanGelula/Twitter / Via Twitter: @DylanGelula

    45.

    remember when professor flitwick in harry potter got queer eyed

    ULTRAGLOSS/Twitter / Via Twitter: @ULTRAGLOSS

    46.

    Harry Potter: *exists* Aunt Petunia Dursley:

    hiitaylorblake/Twitter / Via Twitter: @hiitaylorblake

    47.

    How did Harry Potter and the other boys sit comfortably on their brooms? Were the testicles pushed to one side or was there a spell like “penus deletus” to temporarily hide their junk?

    sarahschauer/Twitter / Via Twitter: @SJSchauer

    48.

    Harry Potter: Voldemort killed Cedric Ministry of magic: Liar Harry: use a pensieve to view my memories Ministry: we don wanna

    steeve_again/Twitter / Via Twitter: @steeve_again

    49.

    harry potter: i’m depressed dumbledore: your parents died when you were a baby, cedric and your godfather were killed in front of you, a homicidal maniac is trying to kill you. i get it harry: yeah dumbledore: so i need you to go on a deadly quest to find some soul trinkets

    andikelaura/Twitter / Via Twitter: @andlikelaura

    50.

    remake Harry Potter with an all-muppet cast but have Severus Snape played by Adam Driver

    sketchesbyBoze/Twitter / Via Twitter: @SketchesbyBoze

    51.

    Snape: just flick your wand, say "accio," and whatever you desire will come to y– Harry Potter: ACCIO MY PARENTS *two corpses come flying thru the window* Harry: [screaming] Snape: lmao

    _elvispresley_/Twitter / Via Twitter: @_elvishpresley_

    52.

    u think harry potter ever thought about just picking up a gun

    helen/Twitter / Via Twitter: @helen

    53.

    harry potter, age 11: why do you hate weasleys so much? they seem nice draco malfoy: they are blood traitors. i bet they use toilets too harry potter: i- [voice cracking] what

    C0REZI/Twitter / Via Twitter: @C0REZI

    54.

    the reason everyone in the harry potter movies was white is because no parent of color would ever let their child spend 9 months out of the year at a place where trees beat the shit out of u and a giant snake lurked in the bathrooms waiting to eat children. in this essay i will

    ULTRAGLOSS/Twitter / Via Twitter: @ULTRAGLOSS

    55.

    harry potter if he was a vlogger 1. i killed my professor 2. HOW TO SURVIVE A BASILISK ATTACK (w/ tips) 3. my stalker tried to kill me 4. i saw my crush’s boyfriend die? 5. O.W.L.S vlog (gone wrong!) 6. girlfriend tag! (ft. ginny weasley) 7. I DIED + CAME BACK (not clickbait)

    abbyraejepsen/Twitter / Via Twitter: @abbyraejepsen

    56.

    The Order of the Phoenix should be called Harry Potter And The 267 Times Mrs Weasley Was Right But Everyone Ignored And Gaslit Her Because They’d All Decided She Was A Hysterical Bitch

    anne_theriault/Twitter / Via Twitter: @anne_theriault

    57.

    runwithskizzers/Twitter / Via Twitter: @runwithskizzers

    58.

    Me: Do you have the Harry Potter audiobook? DJ: no

    ArfMeasures/Twitter / Via Twitter: @ArfMeasures

    59.

    Dobby is a free elf, Dobby is eternally grateful to Harry Potter

    nkvp/Twitter / Via Twitter: @nkvp

    60.

    CeceEwing_/Twitter / Via Twitter: @CeceEwing_

    61.

    Ginny weasley opening the chamber of secrets and getting everyone killed

    likesmoth/Twitter / Via Twitter: @likesmoth

    62.

    when you get kicked out of hogwarts and have to sell wands on the black market

    JordanUhl/Twitter / Via Twitter: @JordanUhl

    63.

    Remember how in Harry Potter, Mrs. Weasley had that clock that showed where her family was, & it stopped working once Voldemort came back because now all the hands always just pointed to MORTAL PERIL? That’s what I think about whenever anyone asks anyone “How are you?” these days

    secondhusk/Twitter / Via Twitter: @secondhusk

    64.

    Voldemort: I’m here to kill Harry Pott- [struggling to open baby gate] James Potter: push down and then pull back Voldemort: I am [still struggling] Lily Potter: jiggle it he needs to jiggle it Voldemort: I AM JIGGLING IT; You know what forget it I’ll come back when he’s 10

    NewDadNotes/Twitter / Via Twitter: @NewDadNotes

    65.

    harry was really gonna let ron get all the way to hogwarts and not tell him he’s got dirt on his nose cause hes a fake ass fuckin friend hermione’s the only real one in this whole shit

    MattBellassai/Twitter / Via Twitter: @MattBellassai

    66.

    Voldemort was really beefing with a kid.

    PersnicketyK/Twitter / Via Twitter: @PersnicketyK

    67.

    Darth Vader: I killed three whole planets. Thanos: I killed half the universe. Voldemort: I uhh...almost killed this one kid like 7 times. Everyone: Voldemort: *shakes head sadly* stupid mother’s love.

    andlikelaura/Twitter / Via Twitter: @andlikelaura

    68.

    when you're tied with slytherin but dumbledore says fuck it and gives 10 points to gryffindor last minute https://t.co/a6tEq8Utbp

    zephanijong/Twitter / Via Twitter: @zephanijong

    69.

    ron after a year of trying to figure out how hermione is taking so many classes while she gaslights him

    neonacropolis/Twitter / Via Twitter: @neonacropolis

    70.

    antoni and karamo look like hogwarts professors who volunteered to chaperone the yule ball just for an opportunity to get dressed up

    alchemyfawn/Twitter / Via Twitter: @alchemyfawn

    71.

    8-year-old: Never do forbidden curses. Me: That's right. 8: Unless you won't get caught. I'm raising a Slytherin.

    XplodingUnicorn/Twitter / Via Twitter: @XplodingUnicorn

    72.

    DUMBLEDORE: Hey this 11 year old is now responsible for saving us from Magic Hitler. EVERYONE ELSE: Okay.

    AndrewNadeau0/Twitter / Via Twitter: @AndrewNadeau0

    73.

    phantomthread/Tumblr / Via phantomthread.tumblr.com

    74.

    fierceawakening/Tumblr / Via fierceawakening.tumblr.com

    75.

    hisnamewasbeanni/Tumblr / Via hisnamewasbeanni.tumblr.com

    76.

    FOUNDER OF HOGWARTS: okay, so we all know there are four types of kid. brave, smart, evil and miscellaneous. SCHOOL BOARD: yes, continue.

    tvscarlkinsella/Twitter / Via Twitter: @tvscarlkinsella

    77.

    hackerperidot/ Tumblr / Via hackerperidot.tumblr.com

    78.

    ALBUS: We must protect Harry AT ALL COSTS. SNAPE: His first Triwizard task is to defeat a dragon. ALBUS: Oh shit this'll be siiiiiiick.

    tvscarlkinsella/Twitter / Via Twitter: @tvscarlkinsella

    79.

    firelordzuko/Tumblr / Via firelordzuko.tumblr.com

    80.

    kat2kool/Tumblr / Via kat2kool.tumblr.com

    81.

    ALBUS: Only the most powerful magic can destroy a horcrux HARRY: Gotcha ALBUS: Do you? HARRY: Gonna need one hell of an Expelliarmus ALBUS:

    tvscarlkinsella/Twitter / Via Twitter: @tvscarlkinsella

    82.

    ourcatoverlords/Tumblr / Via ourcatoverlords.tumblr.com

    83.

    itseasytoremember/Tumblr / Via itseasytoremember.tumblr.com

    84.

    perhapsarat/Tumblr / Via perhapsarat.tumblr.com

    85.

    sonic06apologist/Tumblr / Via sonic06apologist.tumblr.com

    86.

    sugarandspite/Tumblr / Via sugar-and-spite.tumblr.com

    87.

    malcolmcooks/Tumblr / Via malcolmcooks.tumblr.com

    88.

    Voldemort: I’m here to kill Harry Pott- [struggling to open baby gate] James Potter: push down and then pull back Voldemort: I am [still struggling] Lily Potter: jiggle it he needs to jiggle it Voldemort: I AM JIGGLING IT; You know what forget it I’ll come back when he’s 10

    newdadnotes/Twitter / Via Twitter: @newdadnotes

    89.

    flyfella/Tumblr / Via flyfella.tumblr.com

    90.

    "Dammit," said Tom, shaking the wand violently. I AM LORD DOLT MOVER Harry's scar surged like white fire as Dolt Mover swore repeatedly

    hellocontrol/Twitter / Via Twitter: @hellocontrol

    91.

    dragon-in-a-fez/Tumblr / Via dragon-in-a-fez.tumblr.com

    92.

    there are no buff wizards in Harry Potter, no gym in Hogwarts, no-one does a push-up at any point. I could crack Ron Weasley’s spine like a glowstick

    tomwalkerisgood/Twitter / Via Twitter: @tomwalkerisgood

    93.

    championofkronos/Tumblr / Via championofkronos.tumblr.com

    94.

    lunalovegoodjunior/Tumblr / Via lunalovegoodjunior.tumblr.com

    95.

    siriusblaac/Tumblr / Via siriusblaac.tumblr.com

    96.

    kvothbloodless/Tumblr / Via kvothbloodless.tumblr.com

    97.

    sodomymcscurvylegs/Tumblr / Via sodomymcscurvylegs.tumblr.com

    98.

    starrychuck/Tumblr / Via starrychuck.tumblr.com

    99.

    biggest-gaudiest-patronuses/Tumblr / Via biggest-gaudiest-patronuses.tumblr.com

    100.

    perhapsarat/Tumblr / Via perhapsarat.tumblr.com

    What's your favorite Harry Potter joke? Share it in the comments below!

    This article contains content from Michele Bird, Casey Rackham, and Andy Golder. It was compiled by Salimah McCullough.