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1. A pair of socks to not-so subtly tell people to stay away.
2. A snarky mug you'll use basically every hour you're at the office. Is 5 p.m. too early to start a conversation with coworkers? Absolutely!
3. The Introvert Activity Book so you can spend hours expressing yourself...silently, alone, and in the comfort of your room.
4. Or, a coloring book for introverts, because spending a few blissful hours alone coloring is the best antidote to several hours spent socializing with real people.
5. An inflatable travel hoodie pillow to silently convey to your seat neighbors that you have zero interest in talking during your flight home. Oh, but if they could wake you up when the drink cart comes by, that would be great!
6. A wilderness survival guide in case the real world gets a little too people-y and you need a vacation.
7. A "boyfriend" pillow that'll provide just the right amount of support and none of of the sheet stealing so you don't have to respond to their 2 a.m. "you up?" text.
8. A cat lady action figure for when you feel like talking to someone but don't actually want real human interaction.
9. A pair of Bose noise-cancelling bluetooth headphones to block out the sound of all other humans. They're also Alexa compatible so you don't even have to ask your partner what the weather's going to be like today.
10. Or, a jar of contour ear plugs that'll do basically the same thing (minus Alexa compatibilities) because you're tired of hearing your roommate's 1 a.m. FaceTime calls with their partner.
11. SipCaddy, a portable cup holder with a suction cup, because what better way to avoid people than to take a relaxing bath with a bevy of your choice?
12. An iron-on go away patch for anyone who hates conflict but really wants to get the message across that they'd rather be left alone.
13. An embroidered baseball cap so the people behind you know not to get all up in your personal space.
14. A dainty necklace that basically says, "I heart rejecting social interaction."
15. And an unapologetically blunt "I hate everyone" T-shirt to get the point across succinctly.
16. A Book of the Month subscription for anyone who wants to read more and loves a time-consuming hobby they can do on their own.
17. A pair of comfy pants that are truly too cozy to take off. "I would *love* to go to your party but that would mean I'd have to change my pants (and that's kind of a big ask), so I probably won't be able to make it." —you curled up on the couch in your comfy pants ready to binge Netflix.
18. A fleece throw so soft and snuggly that it would be a crime to not use it. I mean, I guess you could leave the house and be social, but then you wouldn't be getting my money's worth, would you? Check mate. Guess we're staying home!
19. A mug warmer to keep your tea, coffee, (or warm spiked cider if you *really* need to relax), because it would be such a waste to leave and socialize while your mug is still warm.
20. A handy guide to crocheting and a kit with hooks, needles, and stitch markers so you can pick up a new hobby that'll keep you indoors...alone...for hours.
21. Or, Hand Lettering 101 for anyone who's skilled in penmanship and wants a new challenge. Think of all the beautiful "thank you for inviting me but I have zero interest in leaving my house" cards you can write when yet another friend from high school gets engaged.
22. 642 Things to Draw, a guided art journal to keep you occupied from now until next next year. The prompts range from simple (draw a bicycle) to downright odd (draw the sound of girlish laughter).
23. An Amazon Echo Dot that can do almost anything you ask of it — including order food for you so you don't have to leave the house to feed yourself.
24. A meal kit delivery subscription if you desire even less human interaction and would just like to stroll to your doorstep each week to see a box full of ingredients ready to be cooked.
25. A go away sleep mask to let your partner or parents know that you are absolutely not to be disturbed.
Tfw you hate everyone but dogs (bc dogs are great).
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