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1. A cooling mattress with adaptive foam that'll help you remember what it's like to not wake up without pain. Unlike the lumpy mattress you've been using since college, this one cushions your body and even draws away heat as you sleep so you can snuggle under a million blankets without waking up drenched in sweat.
2. And speaking of blankets, a plush faux fur duvet so you can toss the one that's on your bed — you know, the one that used to look like this but now all the fur is matted or missing.
3. A soil-free AeroGarden Harvest for adding a futuristic feel to your boring kitchen. If you love fresh herbs but lack the space (or green thumb, tbh!), this hydroponic system alerts you when it's time to water and feed your plants.
4. A bidet attachment to transform your regular old toilet into a porcelain throne that cleans your freakin' butt for you. Oh I'm sorry, I didn't realize this bathroom was a 5-star spa now. Not only will it help you use less TP, but it also just leaves you feeling cleaner after you go.
5. A vintage-y area rug because let's face it: your floors are ugly. I get it; it's a rental and you obviously didn't get a choice. But let's keep it covered (and your toes nice and warm) with a cushy rug.
6. A monstera if you wish your decidedly bland apartment were instead your greenery-filled happy place. (You can call it Plant Parenthood!) This big boy, also called a Swiss cheese plant, is great for beginners because it's pretty self-sufficient and doesn't need a ton of light.
7. A ~so-fish-ticated~ shell accent chair that'll have you entering your credit card info faster than Ariel signed away her voice to Ursula. If you can't resist the siren song of modern glam velvet furniture, this is the chair for you.
8. A lift-top coffee table so you can hide your clutter in a chic way. It also doubles as a desk if you prefer working from the couch. You gotta spend money to make money, baby!
9. A bookend vase for putting your Christmas tree to shame. Seriously, just position this where you'd normally stand your tree; it's that beautiful.
10. A handmade raw edge bowl to make every meal look fancy schmancy — even if it's salad, steamed broccoli, or a bowl of fruit.
11. A Le Creuset Dutch oven because *slaps Dutch oven* this bad boy can cook you practically anything you want and make it taste like it's straight from a restaurant. Bread? Done. Stews? Done. An entire bird? Done. Braised meats and veggies? Done! Seriously, please stop asking.
12. A 2-in-1 Hoover carpet cleaner if your formerly white carpets are looking...definitely not white...in fact...what color is that? This machine sucks up dirt, dust, and pet hair *and* steams your carpets. It's time for your white carpets to make a comeback. Maybe this weekend?
13. A simplehuman trash can that'll convince you that foot pedals are for plebs. It's motion activated and will open with just a wave of your hand. Plus it also has voice recognition features so you can literally say, "Open can" and — surprise, surprise — the can will open.
14. A Roomba i7+ so you can take the day off and let this lil' guy do the vacuuming. It's Google Assistant and Alexa compatible, meaning you can literally tell it to go clean under the table. *And* it'll empty itself when it's done!
15. A rustic sideboard buffet with a sliding door for holding your dishes or knickknacks and looking pretty darn beautiful while doing it. Now to find some beautiful dishware...
16. Would you look at that! An 18-piece stoneware dinner set to complete your childhood dream of owning pink plates. C'mon, white dishware is boring!
17. A porcelain pitcher because you'll always have a soft ~spot~ in your heart for beautiful kitchenware. It's too bad that spot is right next to those awful reusable plastic cups you bought for your first apartment. (Psst! Here's a cute alternative.)
18. A boho-chic velvet convertible sofa if you're a sucker for that vintage aesthetic. The backseat reclines so it's great for when you find yourself falling asleep on the couch but literally cannot be bothered to walk the five feet to your bed. Plus, it doesn't have weird stains like the couch you're sitting on right now.
19. Minimalist oval serving platters that'll have you asking, "Damn, am I in a fancy restaurant right now?" — even if the only thing you're serving are Cosmic Brownies.
20. A 75-inch Samsung 4K Smart QLED TV so you can stop watching The Office on your teeny tiny laptop screen. With this screen, you can view all your favorite shows, movies, and video games in the smoothest, clearest picture possible.
21. An extendable bamboo bathtub tray with no-slip grips, a reading rack, a cellphone tray, and a wineglass holder for making bath time feel truly luxurious.
22. A set of woven baskets to hide — er, I mean, store — your extra linens, dirty clothes, or magazines. Plus the bright pops of green will make these the ~envy~ of all your roomies.
23. A palm tree print peel-and-stick wallpaper because just thinking about your white walls is putting me to sleep. This is a fun alternative to messy paint jobs and even the least DIY-type person can apply a sticker.
24. A floor-length mirror for reflecting light into small spaces and making them look larger. Also, we can all agree that it's just really freaking pretty, OK?
25. An industrial heavy duty clothing rack that'll make your bedroom look like a fancy minimalist clothing store.
26. A peacock chair so even the simple act of sitting feels as fancy as you are. Your followers should prepare for this to be your Instagram background for many photos to come.
27. A set of two 100% cotton percale striped pillowcases for anyone whose aesthetic is Northeastern B&B chic.
28. Some peel-and-stick floor decals to cover the faded, scuffed wood or poorly chosen tiles without spending big bucks to rip out the floors.
29. A gold metal bar cart because alcohol bottles as decor only looks nice when you have a pretty surface to show them off — and this totally fits the bill.
30. A doormat if you want to add a touch of ~sloth-phistication~ to your entryway. It'll greet you with a smile and a friendly reminder to hang in there. You're doing great!
You doing anything in your new fancy apartment:
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