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14 Facts About Britney Spears That Will Make You Feel Like An Old Fuck

The truth is toxic.

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1. Britney’s youngest son, Jayden James, is now the same age that Britney was when she was cast in The Mickey Mouse Club in 1992.

2. Teens graduating high school in 2017 will have no recollection of seeing Britney’s premier of the "Baby One More Time" music video because it came out the year before any of them were alive.

Sony Music

Your typical graduating senior was likely born in 1999, and Britney’s first music video came out in November of 1998.

3. Eli Swanson, the guy who played the hot astronaut in the "Oops… I Did It Again" video, is almost the same age as now as Britney’s mother, when Britney's first single came out.

Sony Music / AP

Eli Swanson is 41, and Lynn Spears (born May 22, 1955) was 43 when Baby One More Time came out in October, 1998.

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4. Olympian Laurie Hernandez, who is shaking her stuff on the current season of Dancing With the Stars, was still wearing diapers when Britney did her striptease performance at the 2000 MTV Video Music Awards.

5. A child born on the night that Britney and Justin Timberlake wore their iconic matching denim outfits would now be old enough to drive in the U.S.

Jeffrey Mayer / WireImage / Via etonline.com

They walked the red carpet at American Music Awards in denim back in January of 2001, over 16 years ago.

7. If you'd started saving a dollar per day the night that Britney and Madonna kissed at the 2003 VMAs, then you'd have saved enough money to buy a Rolex.

Scott Gries / Getty Images

Around 5,000 days have passed, and for five grand you can get a pretty decent looking Rolex on Amazon.

8. Britney's Curious fragrance is older than most of the teens who started junior high/middle school this year.

Sony Music

Curious came out in September, 2014, making it nearly thirteen years old. The average student in the 7th grade is typically between 11 and 12.

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9. Britney and Kevin Federline had their wedding ceremony on September 18, 2004. If they’d remained married, they would be celebrating their thirteenth wedding anniversary later this year.

UPN

Technically the couple wasn’t legally married until a few weeks later, reportedly because of a delay in finalizing their prenuptial agreement.

10. Britney filed for divorce from Kevin in November of 2006, a full seven months before the first iPhones were released on June 29, 2007.

11. Britney is closer — in years — to being able to become a member of AARP (FKA the American Association of Retired Persons) than she is to the date she became a legal adult.

UPN

Britney is 35 now, and you can join AARP at 50. That's 15 years from now, whereas Britney turned 18 more than 17 years ago.

12. Britney’s emotionally charged For the Record documentary was released the same month that President Obama (who, as we all know served two full terms as President before leaving the office) was elected in November, 2008.

13. The timeless reaction GIFs from Britney’s short stint as a host on the U.S. version of The X Factor are almost five years old.

14. And finally, Britney opened her Piece of Me show in Las Vegas nearly four years ago, meaning a teen who started their freshmen year of high school around that time would likely be graduating this June.

Planet Hollywood

Sadly, it was recently announced that Britney’s current Vegas residency will be coming to an end later this year. But I gotta say, four years is a legit run!

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