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Thoughts I Had While Watching The Season 11 Premiere Of "Keeping Up With The Kardashians

"I feel so bad, were you traumatized?"

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1. Is it me or is Khloe being way too dramatic about her ear piercing experience? I mean, going to the Century City mall with Ron Hardy seems legit AF.

2. Kris is amazing.

3. Who says "ear hole"?

4. Seriously, every time Khloe says "ear hole" it makes me cringe. Please make it STOP!

5. Fuck, the new intro is slick.

6. How did Kris go from talking about living in a house with private security to having sex with dolls?

7. I would totally watch an episode featuring Kris taking a private tour of a sex doll factory.

8. I'm loving Kim's giant glass.

9. I bet you could fit at least three quarters of a wine bottle in there.

10. Shout-out to the city by the bay!

11. Totally feeling the security guard's fanny pack.

12. I think fanny packs are well poised for a come back.

13. My boss was at that panel in SF that Kim spoke at! I wonder if I can see her in the crowd?

14. Wait a minute, did they just show Kim saying that this panel was about something, something, "and sexiness," then cut immediately to a question asking for her advice on making it in the business world? Love it!

15. I'll say it, Kim's giving legit advice, IMO. "Be determined and have drive."

16. Goddamn, the screen on Kim's phone is busted. No wonder they keep showing a close up of her keyboard.

17. How many times do we need to see Kim's ring?

18. Why is the camera shaking so much? It's kinda making me dizzy.

19. Holy shit! Khloe's bod! Major goals.

20. Yeah, I wouldn't go with my mom on a fuck fest either.

21. That fedora is hot tho.

22. OK and now I'm tearing up. Why do I let the Kardashians make me so emotional?

23. I really do hope Kourtney finds a guy who appreciates her.

24. A "new beginning" for Kourtney... Hey, doesn't that sound like a spin-off? I'd watch!

25. Kourtney's perspective is perfect.

26. Khloe really is in great shape, but this plot line about not wanting to do a sexy photoshoot feels fake. I mean, didn't she pose naked for PETA like ages ago?

27. "Kourtney doesn't really bring the sexy, I'm not gonna lie." Damn Kim, that's fucking shady.

28. I think we can all agree that Kourt is hella sexy.

29. It's nice seeing Kendall being protective of Caitlyn.

30. Khloe is giving me total Ariana Grande vibes.

31. Why are they pressuring Kourtney? She says she doesn't want to go. Leave her alone!

32. Wow, I'm feeling super defensive of Kourt all of the sudden.

33. Khloe is fake fighting this Complex magazine shoot way too much. Not buying it.

34. What is going on with the confession cam in this episode?

35. They're all so orange.

36. And Kim's makeup looks caked on.

37. Is it maybe just bad lighting?

38. Was it really rumored that Khloe would be the next Bachelorette?

39. I want to be rich enough so that I could avoid traffic by taking a helicopter.

40. Where the fuck did those camels come from? What kind of wine tasting tour is this?

41. And why are there so many glasses on that table?

42. Do they really need that many glasses?

43. Ahh, OK, so it's a safari themed wine tour? The camels make sense now.

44. So Kris is basically making out with a giraffe on national television.

45. This wine tour looks hella fun. Riding around on a safari truck with a glass of wine in hand? I'm down!

46. Kylie! Finally.

47. Why did they make us wait until half way into the episode to see Kylie?

48. So the gowns are gorg, obvi. But the fuck is going on with her window coverings?

49. NGL, I'm kinda surprised that Kylie picked up the dog shit herself. Was expecting to see an assistant doing it.

50. I really hope she sprayed some type of cleaner on the floor after picking up that turd.

51. Is it me or does that plant Kourtney is watering look hella fake?

52. How did Kris not already know that the girls were going to the ESPY Awards?

53. Doesn't she like handle all of their schedules?

54. This dinner after the ESPYs seems like a bad idea right? Can't they want to celebrate with Caitlyn then do a dinner to support Kris the next night?

55. Did Kim really force Khloe to do this photoshoot? Why can't Khloe just own it?

56. Sassy comments aside, Khloe is killing it at this photoshoot.

57. I just wish Kim would stop talking in the background.

58. She's totally trying to steal some of Khole's thunder.

59. Yum, I could go for some Krispy Kreme donuts rn.

60. That fire hydrant is kinda cute, it almost looks like a yellow dog!

61. Doesn't Kris realize that turning a bedroom into a giant closet could hurt the resale value of her property?

62. Or is she just so wealthy that she doesn't give a fuck?

63. I can't with this fight between Kendall and Kylie.

64. Then again, I'm kinda with Kylie? I don't really like people taking my clothes either, especially if said friend/family member could have an assistant go get her something else to wear.

65. This scene makes me look back and wonder how many of my own teenage squabbles could have been avoided if I had an assistant on staff.

66. At least they recognize it's silly to be fighting about dresses.

67. Is that a Starbucks cup?

68. I wonder what Khloe's regular order is at Starbucks?

69. She seems like a soy mocha, no whip type of girl to me.

70. I love how Kris didn't wait for the rest of her group to arrive before having her first glass (or maybe more) of wine. I wouldn't either.

71. Is it weird that they all went to this dinner to show their support for Kris, but like everyone is glued to their phone screens?

72. Damn, Kim has been super shady all episode.

73. So. Much. Shade.

74. Kourtney's glares are my everything.

75. Honestly, if looks could kill...

76. Wait, it's over already?

77. Feels like the episode needed more Kylie.

78. The preview for the season looks kinda epic. Naked Kourtney, Caitlyn's return, and an eighteen year old Kylie... Better make sure the DVR is set!

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