Welcome to this week's stressful/delightful recap of The Great British Bake Off!
This week, our bakers faced the tent's first ever German Week, and maybe someone else besides Jürgen will be Star Baker? Probably not, though. Anyway, here are 20 absolutely wonderful moments from the episode, plus 11 extremely stressful ones.
Warning: Spoilers (and potential emotional turmoil) ahead.
1. DELIGHTFUL: Noel and Matt's ode to...German techno, I think? I'm not entirely sure what's going on here, but it's my favorite intro in a while.
I did some research (aka I googled "German band red shirt???") and found out this intro is an homage to Kraftwerk, a German electronic music group that the Guardian describes as "the world's most influential band."
Okay, the music history portion of this post has concluded. Let's get back to baking.
Signature Challenge: German Biscuits
2. DELIGHTFUL: Lizzie's good-spirited acknowledgment of the German in the tent (which is now what I'll be saying instead of "elephant in the room").
3. STRESSFUL: Crystelle pointing out how vague a challenge "German biscuits" is. Prue tells us that Germans usually make biscuits for Christmas, but Prue, so does everyone else.
4. DELIGHTFUL: George's fancy rolling pin.
5. STRESSFUL: The encroaching despair of the non-Jürgen bakers.
6. STRESSFUL: Showing Giuseppe's thick, dribble-proof jam right before cutting to Amanda's more watery version.
7. DELIGHTFUL: Giuseppe's aesthetically pleasing (and, according to the judges, absolutely delicious) biscuits. Also, the fact that he was able to get the word "Italian" into the descriptor of a German biscuit. Bravo, Giuseppe.
8. DELIGHTFUL: Lizzie seeing through Paul's tricks and empty handshake promises.
9. DELIGHTFUL: Paul learning anatomy with Noel.
10. DELIGHTFUL: Folks, the moment we've all been waiting for, the main event, straight from the oven of the Baking Terminator himself: Jürgen's biscuits.
Do I even need to include a picture of Jürgen getting a handshake? As far as inevitability goes, there's death, taxes, and this. But here you go: the third Hollywood Handshake™ of the season.
Technical Challenge: Prinzregententorte
11. STRESSFUL: The dreaded mini fans on the bakers' benches that signify a tent that's too damn hot.
12. DELIGHTFUL: When Chigs was pleasantly surprised by his amount of baking know-how.
13. DELIGHTFUL: Giuseppe's perfect Einstein impression.
Spot the difference, if you can:
14. STRESSFUL: Amanda's filling not being "anywhere near" the "silky smooth" texture it's supposed to be.
15. DELIGHTFUL: The fact that the show keeps cutting to Jürgen saying "sponge, cream, sponge, cream" to himself, like it's an austere German lullaby.
16. DELIGHTFUL: Giuseppe's baking stance.
17. STRESSFUL: Anytime anyone has to glaze anything, honestly.
18. STRESSFUL: One of Crystelle's icing rosettes sliding right off her cake because, as previously mentioned, it's too damn hot in this tent.
19. DELIGHTFUL: Giuseppe placing first in the technical, most likely due to that killer baking stance.
Showstopper Challenge: Yeast Leavened Cake
20. DELIGHTFUL: Lizzie's big bowl of food coloring, which I like to think she brings with her everywhere she goes.
21. DELIGHTFUL: Jürgen's aggressive approach to his dough.
22. DELIGHTFUL: The revelation that Jürgen has been sharing his German wisdom with the other bakers behind the scenes.
23. DELIGHTFUL: Knowing that whatever happens with Freya's showstopper, she definitely has a ride home.
Though I was hoping she'd ride her horse home.
24. STRESSFUL: Lizzie's cake holding onto its bundt pan for dear life.
25. DELIGHTFUL: Lizzie pulling through with an adorable (and delicious) cake, despite the aforementioned bundt pan scandal.
26. DELIGHTFUL: Crystelle's pristine showstopper, which wouldn't be out of place as the centerpiece of a German wedding. Not that I've ever been to a German wedding, but I'm guessing this would be a hit.
27. STRESSFUL: Paul telling George, who pulled his bake out of the oven sooner than everyone else, that his cake is raw in the middle.
28. DELIGHTFUL: Matt catching the top tier of Giuseppe's cake when Paul accidentally dropped it, then holding it above his head in victory.
29. STRESSFUL: Paul saying that he likes, but doesn't love, Jürgen's showstopper.
Final Results
30. DELIGHTFUL: Giuseppe, against all odds (by which I mean the presence of Jürgen), being named Star Baker.
31. STRESSFUL: Saying goodbye to Freya, a result I'm truly surprised by. But lasting as long as she did, especially as the youngest baker and one who insisted on challenging herself even more by sticking to vegan ingredients, is a true achievement.
