High school sucked.
Especially if you were a mall goth.
Fortunately, Hot Topic existed.
But have you noticed that, like, it's totally different now?
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I just learned that mall haul videos are a thing, and they're destroying America. There was a reason PacSun is situated directly across the mall hallway from each Hot Topic: It's supposed to be a face-off. You don't shop at other stores. Get off our turf and we'll stay off yours. Now everyone is, like, friends or something. But high school still sucks.
Articles like this are now void.
Employees have gone from looking like this...
...to this.
Shoppers used to look like this...
...and now they look like this.
Even the store looks different now.
This is the Hot Topic to end all Hot Topics.
There is nothing alt about this new logo.
LOOK AT ALL OF THOSE LIGHTS
Moms are totes down.
Clothing has shifted from cool '90s goth...
TRIPP PANTS
Boys had to walk very slowly in these.
Someone clearly robbed Marilyn Manson.
...to Sanrio things...
...to full-on rave gear.
Even bands began being like "wtf."
This is not a black T-shirt.
Someone even gave Perez Hilton his own clothing line.
Instead of band signings...
And performances...
...the people from Glee show up?
These are the most normal/well-adjusted looking people to ever walk into a Hot Topic.
The music has changed too.
Angst!
Because more people prefer this...
...And this.
R.I.P. Abrasive Music
There's now a "pop culture" tab on the Hot Topic website.
Where you can enter to win themed stuff from the most popular prime-time television program.
Hot Topic was founded by some bro, but has been run by women since 2000.
She went on to found the super-hip "Torrid," a mall chain for plus-size ladies.
So here's to you, Hot Topic...
And the future ironic appreciation you'll surely bestow upon tweens everywhere (America).
