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26 Ways To Trick People Into Thinking You're A Booze Expert

::swirls glass thoughtfully::

Jenny Chang / BuzzFeed

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1. Educate your nose with a scratch & sniff book that'll make you a whiskey whiz who knows the difference between Scotch and rye.

Get it from Amazon for $13.49.

Get the wine version from Amazon for $12.11.

2. Plan your dinners with a tea towel that helps you pair the perfect wine with your meal — with 68 wine and 56 foods, the possibilities are nearly endless!*

*And by endless, I mean 3,808 possible pairings.

Get it from Uncommon Goods for $28.

3. Log your favorite brews in a craft beer passport that helps you describe and categorize your favorites.

So you can say things like "This beer has delightful chocolate notes."

Plus it has lots of great resources and info on beer & food pairings, how to order beer around the world, and how to best taste your brew!

Get a set of two from Amazon for $23.90.

4. Revolutionize your bar orders with a lovely graphic print that'll make you a 007-level martini-orderer.

Fun fact: if you order a Churchill Martini, you're just ordering a glass of gin.

Get it from Pop Chart Lab for $10 (on sale from $29).

5. Take your home bar to the next level with an absinthe-making kit that'll basically turn you into a green fairy.

Get it from Uncommon Goods for $45.

6. Pour your cheap booze into a gold-lettered decanter and pretend it's top-shelf stuff.

Get it from Amazon for $19.99.

7. Or take it a step further with a globe decanter with a glass sailing ship inside.

Get it from Amazon for $44.95.

8. Whip up a batch of drinks in a cocktail shaker with recipes printed right on it — just fill to the marked line, shake, and pour!

Get it from Amazon for $20.61.

Check out another version with recipes on it here.

9. Chill out with an ice tray that makes king-sized cubes that keep your drinks cool without watering them down.

Get it from Amazon for $8.50. Available in 12 colors.

10. Learn the veritas about vino with an introductory book that makes understanding the taste, types, and geography of wines seem more approachable.

Get it from Amazon for $15.

11. Or if you're ~pressed for time,~ try The 24-Hour Wine Expert to feel like a connoisseur by dinnertime tomorrow.

Get it from Amazon for $7.70.

12. Kick your liquor up a notch with a flavor-infusing decanter that helps you add flavors like fruit, herbs, spices, and aromatics to your beverage of choice.

Because you're obviously an expert on the alcohols you infuse yourself.

Get it from Bespoke Post for $55.

13. Download Vivino, a wine app that helps you understand restaurant wine lists, compares prices, and lists thousands of reviews to help you pick your next bottle.

Get it free for iPhone and Android.

14. Master the art of three-ingredient cocktails so you don't have to keep a lot of ingredients on hand.

Check out all the recipes here.

15. Tutor your tastebuds with a wooden flight set perfect for sampling.

Get the set from Amazon for $16.39.

16. Bluff your way to looking like an expert bartender with the ultimate drink-layering tool.

Get it from Amazon for $9.95.

17. Keep a record of your favorite wines in a beautiful wooden journal.

Just paste in the label and take notes!

Get it from Uncommon Goods for $48.99 (on sale from $70).

18. Get your nerd on with an entertaining tome about the history and science of mankind's favorite beverage.

Get it from Amazon for $10.22 (paperback), $9.99 (Kindle), or $26 (Hardcover).

19. Frame a cocktail chart that shows your favorite drink for the work of art it actually is.

Get it from Drywell Art on Etsy for $20.

Check out their whole selection of cocktail diagrams here.

20. Home-brew to your heart's content with a kit that puts the ~craft~ in craft beer.

Get it from Amazon for $46.71.

21. Decorate your space with a scratch-off poster that's a veritable bucket list of beer.

And also gets the song "99 Bottles of Beer on the Wall" stuck in the head of anyone who walks by.

Get it from Pop Chart Lab for $35.

22. Smoothly open your wine bottles with an electric opener that'll hide how clumsy you are with a corkscrew.

Get it from Amazon for $19.95.

23. Take your bar cart to the next level with a super pretty marble and gold barware set.

Get it from Target for $20.98 (on sale from $29.99).

24. Swirl, sip, and savor your wine in an aerating glass that helps your vintage ~open up~.

Get a set of two from Amazon for $24.99.

25. Consult a truly helpful book chock full of recipes, garnish ideas, and tips for stocking and tending your bar.

Get it from Amazon for $14.95 (paperback) or $9.99 (Kindle)

26. And check out a documentary that follows six people trying to pass the Master Sommelier exam and enjoy their mind-blowing descriptions of how specific wines smell and taste.

At one point a wine is described as tasting like a "freshly-opened can of tennis balls."

*Best enjoyed with a bottle-sized glass of wine*

Get it from Amazon for $.99 (rent) or $9.99 (buy).

Like so.

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