19 Embarrassing Dads Who Need To Get Off The Internet Right Now
These fathers must be stopped.
1. Emily George (Facebook)
In high school, I did poorly in maths, so my dad hacked into my Facebook, changed my profile picture to a black square with the caption: "'I am now a nonentity on social media,'" and made a status on my wall about how I need to start studying more and get better grades. Then he changed my password so I couldn't take it down.
When I went to Chicago last year I bought quite a lot of things from the Victoria's Secret sale. Happy with my purchases, I had a photo with all of my bags and posted it on to Facebook. The first comment I received was from my dad… "That's my girl," it read.
He wasn't aware that it was an underwear shop.
My dad had a phase where he would make short films and upload them to YouTube. Also around that time he found out one of his cats was weaned too early and he'd nurse on him at every chance he got. So naturally, he uploaded a video of his cat nursing on him, with his friend singing "Kitty Sucking Titty" in the background. You can also see his tattoo with my name. He is very proud.
My dad set up a Facebook page for my mum's laptop and he has conversations with himself on a daily basis on random people's statuses. I just have to pretend that I don't know him.
When my dad first got his Facebook account, I started noticing he was leaving statuses of this one particular person's name over and over again. Turns out he confused the status bar with the search bar. Bless his heart.
My dad added people from around the world with the same name as him on Facebook and then made a group chat to organise a "Mark Beadle Army".
9. Michelle King (Facebook)
On my dad's Facebook profile under "family" he has my brother and I listed as:
Michelle – My beautiful, but grippy daughter.
Stuart – Used to be a fat, ginger kid but now he's cured.
10. Jake Skelly (Facebook)
Last year, I mentioned on Facebook that I didn't feel Daft Punk deserved one of their Grammy awards. My dad was the first comment: "What can you say? They were up all night and got lucky."
My dad likes to post selfies with ONLY the top half of his head, so most of his recent photos are him with the top part of his nose, accenting his bushy eyebrows (which he is rather proud of), and, of course, his male pattern baldness. Whether he has an agenda or he does it just because he can, I couldn't be more proud to say he's my dad.
12. Heather Marrazzo Lubbe (Facebook)
My pop got Donald Trump to block him, and he's SO proud.
13. Alissa Gould (Facebook)
My dad made a Facebook for my dog and updates it...regularly.
14. Kayla Ward (Facebook)
My dad was angry that my room was messy, so he decided to get creative – he took pictures of my pig-sty room and tagged me in them on Facebook.
Not so much "online", but my sister and I were trying to teach my dad how to create an email account one day. He was typing and turned to us, very serious, and asked where the space bar was. We called him Captain Space Bar for a few years.
My dad got Facebook recently and asked me how to make people stop friending him. I explained to him that it's the point of Facebook and he still asks me when I come home how to make the friend requests stop. I finally asked him why he even got one if he doesn't want to be friends with anyone, and he responded: "I wanted to buy stuff." He gets so upset when people invite him to like pages.
I asked my dad what he thought of an article I shared on Facebook. He said he liked it. I said, no you didn't. He said how do you know, I said because I would have got a notification. He said how does Facebook know if I like something or not. This went on for an hour. I blame the generational differences of the word "like".
19. Scott Bryan
My dad has the tendency to only write emails to me in capital letters, so every communication always looked incredibly threatening. HOW IS UNIVERSITY SCOTT WE HAVEN'T SPOKEN TO YOU THIS WEEK ARE YOU COMING DOWN FOR CHRISTMAS LET ME KNOW WHAT TRAIN YOU WILL BE ON OK LOVE YOU THANKS.